Chaff, 66(12), 1998-05-25 (2025)

OCR

Jon Bridges and Jeremy Corbett:

Two Fun[...]umns
Deviant

Te Kohinga
Letters
Safari

State of the Arts
BkP and Brunswick

TV & Movies
Feedback
Humo[...]d rugger lad, overheard last week

"Yeah, and I'm the archangel Gabriel. . ."
- a mechanic at Hokowhitu[...]Ben Schroder

Andrew Taite,Sapphira van

Assema,

The views expressed in Chaff are not neccessarily the views expressed

by MUSA or Massey University. ..
We don't support battery hens.

Chaff is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press
Association (ASPA) and is the official newspaper
of the Massey University Students' Association.

Here is[...]ssifieds can be dropped off in t -
box with "I am the CHAFF letterbox" written on :
upstairs in the MUSA building. See.

Chaff, we kill trees.

«[...]Grr! Angry! Not happy! Mad!
Grr!

Why?

3 things. The Fire Service, nuclear
testing and the internet.

Grr!

Okay Shane, calm down, explain things
rationally.

Righto... The Fire Service. As you've
heard, they're being fire[...]his leads to some
interesting thoughts.

Firstly, the safety of our city. How
many of you have noticed[...]us. Aha,
That's OUR Fire Service at work. ANGRY!
The director of the Fire Service, a big
business prat called Roger Es[...]In his
books, this means that he gets to fire
ALL the Firepeople and then rehire
them, with significant[...]ll's interests are protected, after
all, isn't he the director of a big
insurance firm? Way hay, up go the
premiums.

I wonder if he's actually considered
OUR safety at all, considering the
recent spate of tragic deaths and the
fire services' recent fire alarm
campaign. Seems[...]with enough signatures we can
overturn this. Give the government the
finger, sign the petition.

As for nuclear testing. Well, granted,[...]opportunity I
will get my
column written to
avoid the wrath
of Shane!

Budget was crap

for the future of

tertiary

education,

although the
Roundtable and competition freaks will
love it, as well as the marketers and
propaganda specialists.

Did you get the Emergency Unemployment
Benefit last summer? If yo[...]girl's future away? Too bad about your
future and the future of those who are
on a benefit. But beneficiaries are all
criminals anyway, stealing from the
honest taxpayers who slave their lives
away. Just because the state gave me
health care and an education does not
mean I owe the state, society (or anyone
for that matter) anythi[...]I use and not a thing more,
why should I pay for the Fire Service
when I have never had a fire or need[...]viduals or willingness for personal
sacrifice for the greater good.
Occasionally people put themselves on
the line with people risking their
wealth or even their lives to help out

rr

ANGRY! All the other nations in the
world get upset, rightly enough, it is
nuclear testing after all. Up there
against it all is the the good 01' U S of
A. The USA have already done all their
testing. They nuked their own soldiers
in the name of science for God's sake.
Now someone new h[...]rsenal they get
tetchy. They're no longer king of the
sandbox, and are feeling a little
worried by the new kids on the block.
Standard bully—boy tactics; "You can't
h[...]at doesn't stop us.‘
ANGRY! Not JUST because of the nuclear
testing, but because ONE country is
upset because it's losing the monopoly on
MY destruction.

Speaking of Monopolies, Bill Gates is at
it again, trying to monopolise the
interenet by making it impossible to use
anything[...]BUT
prefer to use Netscape when interfacing
with the internet, one wonders if Mr
Gates is acting all t[...]my existence on an
international scale. I resent the fact
that someone who controls a business
bigger than me is increasing the risk
of me dying in a fire by downsizing a
perfectly good fire-service. I resent the
fact that another country just has to
press a but[...]later, without them ever
having .met me. I resent the fact that
the head of a corporation, who's worth 38
billion dol[...]human nature that will always concern
itself with the good of fellow people
and society.

Grad week has[...]t shows they are getting
to me and hence drawn to the
University's attention— and MUSA can
continue to force progress on the issue-—
but it isn't good that the problems are
there and are not already being dea1[...]me? Some people know what
they are doing way into the future, but
I think I am happier with vagu[...]

Hard by Budget

,

The New Zealand University Students
Association (NZUSA) have labelled the newly
recently proposed work-testing of DPB
recipients sexist and unfair. The new proposal
was included in last week’s budget[...]ers as
part of his “welfare-to-work” scheme.

The Budget reading confirmed that solo
mothers would[...]ing their welfare
payments, also adding news that the sickness
benefit is to be cut to the level of the dole
from July 1st. “If you can work, then you[...]udget, following on from last months
warning that the unemployed would lose the
dole if they did not take up “Community
Wage” job opportunities.

“The move towards work—testing of DPB
recipients is[...]o recognise

women’s traditional unpaid work in the home
as a valid contribution to society. It is al[...]l single
parents to be able to hold down a job at the
same time as parenting. This is irrespective
of the fact that there are no jobs available
anyway, at[...]ficiaries will also be expected to
participate in the Community wage idea,
which is a government—run[...]make it easier for solo
parents to look for work, the government
included plans for a child care subsidy, for

low income families with children under the
age of 14. However, according to Ms Helm
“Changes to the abatement rate will mean
that beneficiaries will be further punished.”
She went on to say “ the net effect is that
they will be working for 6 cents in the dollar
after tax, (if they are in full / part tim[...]n’t enough
to cover their child care, even with the child
care subsidy”

Ms Rizos added “You woul[...]ld all work, would have to pay for child
care! So the new subsidy for after school care
is fair, but st[...]government
has been “bold” enough to address the “cycle
of welfare dependency that has cripples[...]kesperson for Social Welfare, Steve

Maharey said the shake up was “an attack
on the most vulnerable group in New
Zealand.”

The cuts to the Sickness benefit will not
apply to the 43,000 people presently receiving
it, but within a year the cuts are expected to
effect around half that number.

“How can the Government expect sickness
beneficiaries to be able to live on the same
below-living wage as the unemployed. It is
obvious to anyone that people w[...]dditional costs of
living! Especially considering the appalling
health system in this country” says Ms Rizos.

“We expect radical actions in the ensuing
weeks. People are already living below
subsistence, and enough is enough”
concluded Ms Helm.

What the Budget Will Mean For Students

The Massey University Students’
Association has blasted the recently released
budget describing it as patheti[...]eterrent to participation in tertiary
education.

The Budget, released on Thursday the 14th
of May, included the announcement of a
voucher system intended for the funding of
tertiary education. The system, to be known
as the Universal Tertiary Tuition Allowance,
along with[...]ate training
establishments are two key planks in the
Government’s privatisation programme for
Tertiary education, and were both outlined
in the tertiary review last year.

The ‘Vouchers’ will be direct funding for
course[...]ving or other related expenses.
As a consequence, the promised Universal
Allowance has been shelved, symbolising yet
another broken promise by the Coalition
government. '

The move to further fund private training
establishme[...]n less money will be spent
on public Education in the future. It is a direct
move towards privatisation of the Tertiary
sector.

“This an outrageous budget fo[...]President
(Education) Tony Wilson. “Instead of the
promised Universal Allowance, we get a thinly
disguised voucher system, which is just a
repackaged form of the voucher system
advocated in last year’s Tertiar[...]al

Students Allowance." he warns.

MUSA believes the budget revelations will
further undermine Tertiary participation,
following closely on the heels of other
disastrous moves , such as cutting[...]for under 18 year old students,
which happened at the start of the year.

Students Association President Peter
Hobso[...]se from our politicians.” He went
on to say “ The Government is trying to
deceive the general public by including the
words “universal” and “Allowance” in a
tr[...]for high fees, keep up
with bills and put food on the table” said Mr
Wilson. “This Coalition Government is sadly
condemning the students, the future of our
country, to even more debt and an education
system run purely for the profit motive.

Despite Government assurances, it is
certain that the Tertiary Tuition Allowance
will not keep fees dow[...]h as library

More Police Violence In Wellington

The Massey University Students’
Association is “a[...]ng a march in central
Wellington on Friday 15th.

The protesters, demonstrating against
health, education and industrial relations as
part of the nationwide ‘Unite’ protest by
students and co[...]ing more

:2

if

.. _.,
own/—

a

concern over the increased level of police
violence in our capital.

Following the demonstration, MUSA Vice
President (Education) Tony Wilson described
the violent manner of the arrests as “the final
straw in a long line of police harassment and
brutality”.

“What the people of Wellington saw in their
streets, and indeed what the people of New
Zealand saw on their television screens last
Friday night, was elements of the Wellington

95

Police force completely out of control. The
manner in which some of the protesters were
arrested was so excessive it can[...]ed as sickening, disgusting and
completely beyond the call of duty” said Mr
Wilson.

The arrest of theses fourteen protesters
follows on f[...]ched three weeks after a peaceful protest
outside the Reserve Bank and Treasury.
Other examples include the arrest of 76

24 Exposure
Colour Print Film

inte[...]on
Action group pamphlet on budget
consequences.

The budget included another significant
areas for students; the eligibility criteria for
the Emergency Unemployment benefit. This
‘allowance’ available to students over the
summer break has undergone changes in
relation to who the benefit will be available
for. Primarily the changes effect students who
do not receive a student allowance during the
semester. At this stage these students will
not be eligible to revive the Emergency Benefit
either, and with 'work for the dole’ being
introduced it is likely that the number of jobs
available for students will be eve[...]rivatise Tertiary Education FIGHT
BACK by joining the campaign for Accessible
Quality Public Tertiary E[...]t outside
Parliament buildings late last year and the
arrest earlier this year of around 15
protesters, some in violent fashion, when
protesting against the Code of Social and
Family Responsibility. In addi[...]ssment by
protesters right across Wellington from the
police.

The arrested protesters will be appearing
in the Wellington District court on Thursday
Morning.

Suharto has outlived his usefulness to the
Pentagon and international finance. During
the Cold War Indonesia was an essential part
of the counterbalance to Communist China.
In 1965 Suhart[...]ecessor
Sukarno, who was seen as drifting towards
the Eastern Bloc. The anti-communist
hysteria which swept the nation resulted in
up to 500 000 deaths of suspec[...]Timor is
a brutal history of genocide, backed by the
United States, who supplied 90% of the arms
to the Indonesian army. The aim was securing
the oil—rich sea bed between Indonesia and
East Timor, which is mined by the Aussie
multinational BHP. Suharto’s fall in
Indonesia could be good news for the East
Timorese, as was the uprising in Papua New
Guinea good for freedom fighters in
Bougainville.

The IMF has played a role in the instability
because of the strings attached to the loan
package. Suharto dragged his feet over the
pro market reforms which the IMF built into
the aid package, making him a marked man
so far as in[...]pital is concerned.

While it is vital to support the students
and workers in their struggle for a more
democratic Indonesia, relying on the army to
act as a powerbroker is a mistake. The
military leaders responsible for the atrocity
of East Timor can’t be relied on to deliver
reforms that will benefit the majority of
Indonesians.

NZ Reaction to

Indones[...]ort for Indonesian
students, protesting to demand the
resignation of President Suharto.

New Zealand Un[...]ts
Association President Patrick Rooney called
on the New Zealand government to respond
to threats of v[...]and urged Foreign Minister Don
McKinnon to recall the Indonesian
ambassador to protest recent statements
from the Indonesian government.

“The actions of the Indonesian government
and military are unforgivable. The Indonesian
dictatorship should not be allowed to[...]ur
government must respond to such atrocities.
At the very least our ambassador should be
recalled.”[...]ut leaflets in
an effort to show solidarity with the
Indonesian students, six of whom were killed
last[...]forces.

Action at Massey is part of protests by the
International student movement, with
protests alr[...]day of action by Australian university
students the previous Friday.

Campaign Co-ordinator here at Massey
University Katy Hackshaw, said the aim of
last Thursday’s action for students at M[...]pport for their fellow
students, and to encourage the Government
to put diplomatic pressure on Suharto to
resign.

“Over 600 people have died in the last week
as a result on rioting in Indonesia, and it is
vital that a peaceful solution to the situation
is reached as soon as possible. In orde[...]Ms Hackshaw.

So far New Zealand’s response to the
Indonesian crisis has been muted and low
key to say the least. Foreign Minister Don
Minnon has called for[...]and other University Associations
have written to the Indonesian ambassador,
Mrs Titiek Rustaman, urgin[...]Unite
Against Government

3 Desperate Men and the Dallas Pro-Drag Allstars entertain the crowd
assembled in The Square.

Community groups, students and Unions
united last Friday, May 15, to show solidarity
in the face of the Coalition Government’s
policies. Big Day Off ev[...]land.

In Auckland a festival was run starting in
the University’s quad and culminating in a
street p[...]kers
closed down George Street to protest outside
the National Party headquarters, and in
Wellington a[...]l
was started in Civic Square. Some protesters
at the Wellington event met violent police

response, as[...]of Chaff.

Palmerston’s Unity Festival held in the
square was also a huge success.
Representatives f[...]Tony Wilson and Patrick Rooney from
NZUSA to stir the gathered crowd, and
educate them on how the government is
continually breaking promises and
withdrawing support from all areas of the
community. To break up these words of
wisdom the crowd was treated to some
inspiring sets by local musicians. A great day
was had by all.

The Plight of the

Firefighters

The government recently announced plans
to cut back on funding for the Fire Service.
In Palmerston North it is estimated that over
half of the firefighters look set to lose their
jobs. NZ First cabinet minister Jack Elder has
defended the cuts by portraying them as a
much needed revamp of the Fire Service,
which will increase efficiency and[...]week gathering signatures for a petition
against the changes. He argues that
firefighters are more than willing to do more
public education work, but that the attack
on the fire fighters’ jobs is not about
increasing safety, its about saving money for
the government and busting the Firefighters
union, which has consistently defended the
level of funding that the fire service gets.

Mr Prince says that the changes are going
to mean less safety for both firefighters and
the public, and the way that they are being
implemented is a potentia[...]n an employment contract in New Zealand.
Reducing thethe
level of safety for crew and fire victims. “Wh[...]yone inside to look for people. Every
fireman in the world knows that you don’t go
in anywhere without a buddy The danger is
just too great.”

Fire Risk At Massey

Massey University has been the site of at
least seven fires in the last fifteen years. The
presence of chemicals in the science
departments is a constant hazard, which c[...]s.
There has been one fire on a top floor lab of
the Biochemistry Tower.

There is also a serious night risk at the
university, because of the hostels. “We can
never be sure that everyone is out of the
hostels, there is always the possibility of
someone being pissed to the eyeballs and
sleeping right through a fire alarm[...]t there are people
in there I won’t send any of the crew in on
their own, the risk is too great.”

Another major concern is the way that the
government has gone about these changes,
by “dis-establishing” the firefighters jobs and
forcing them to re—appl[...]president
Martin Cooney has warned teachers that the
government might use similar tactics in their
dispute. The success or failure of the fire
fighters court appeal has implications right
across the board. If the government get away
with this then employers’ powers are
dramatically increased. The Firefighters
Union has drawn the obvious comparison
with the Patrick Stevedores sacking its
workforce, which proved illegal under
Australian law.

At the moment the firefighters are
concentrating on three fronts, the courts,
political pressure on Jack Elder and gett[...]t all their training.
“Most firefighters join the service because
they get a lot of satisfaction fr[...]n, “it’s make
or break for us.” But as with the cuts to health
, which benefitted only the top managers and
private health insurers, and to education, it’s
make or break not just for the unions, but
also for the service itself.

The Demon Profession has been called an
‘insider’ accounts of what really happens in
the corridors of Parliament, and has been
described as “the most devastating political
memoir ever Published[...]nal Party MP in 1990. Since then
Mr Laws has been the centre of controversy
on a number of occasions, being labelled “A
very dangerous young man” by the National
Party hierarchy when he first became a
Parliamentary researcher in the early 1980’s.
In seems in retrospect, perhaps t[...]nge!

Harper Collins Publishers, in a synopsis
of the book writes “...The Demon Profession
is in irreverent, insightful and[...]accute perception and
biting wit [Laws] analyses the people, the
processes and the policies, and concludes
that the real power lies with the bureaucrats.”
“ Few Politicians are spared the acid of his

Tuesdays and Thursdays for Women’s Only
Circuits.

Once the hurdle of mid year exams is over,
the second semester will bring a few things
to the Rec Centre to liven up your winter.
We’ll have[...]er, all MUSA members are
automatically members of the Rec Centre.
That means its your centre... you’d[...]ear on offer
now is equal to (if not better than) the gyms
in town. if you’re not into the sweat thing, we
have heaps of less taxing things[...]tivities. So what are
you waiting for??????

From the whole Recreation Centre team,
good luck for exams[...]ents, and
hang in there... it’ll be worth it in the end!

pen in this brilliantly written book” they
conclude.

Details of the book include the rise of
Winston Peters, a “rebel’s” perspective of the
National Government Caucus, the bid for a
Mike Moore Party, the Antoinette Beck affair,
Mr Laws’ resignation from Parliament and the

’ inside story of the NZ first campaign and post—

election coalitio[...]that legal action was
triggered by a reference in the book
questioning a parliamentary press gallery
re[...]le told Chaff that it is expected a
resolution to the legal dispute will be found
quickly, and the book will be available for
sale shortly.

Watch this space for an interview with Mr
Laws when the book is returned to sale— News
Ed.

Bill Endangers Universities’ Status

The New Zealand University Students’
Association (N[...]institutional
mergers that has been introduced to the
House of Representatives by Minister of
Education, Wyatt Creech.

The effect of the legislation would be to
allow the merged Massey University/
Wellington Polytechnic[...]teristic of either a University or a
Polytechnic. The implication is that an
institution of one type (e[...]ceases to be either type. This means that
under the bill Massey University would cease
to be a University under the Education Act
and would become a University/ Poly[...]if it proceeds with its
merger plans, but also to the stability of the
University and Polytechnic sectors,” said
Patrick Rooney, NZUSA President.

“The Education Amendment Bill has very
serious implications for the tertiary sector

Tobacco Awareness Day At Massey

The 31st of May is World No—Tobacco day.
As a lead up to this, the Student’s Health
Service, in association with the Public Health
Unit of MidCentral Health and the Manawatu
Cancer Society are having a display in the

Students’ Association foyer. They will be
enco[...]e. It is
entirely unreasonable and unjustified of the
Government to push this Bill through using
urgenc[...]It seems like there has
been no real analysis of the impacts it will
have,” said Mr Rooney. “The entire point of
the legislation is to avoid confusion. From
where we stand it simply adds to further
confusion of the issues.”

Mr Rooney urged the Minister to send the
Education Amendment Bill to the Education
and Science Select Committee.

know tha[...]ne packet of
cigarettes per day, and you give up, the
savings over just one year would be enough
to buy[...]friendly form
of recreation and transport[ort for the
city,” said Christine Cheyne, member of
CAPN. “With such a large number of
cyclists in the city there is real value in
having such a group.[...]itions are favourable for
cycling, other users of the roads benefit.
The group has already been busy
making submissions on the Palmerston
North City Council’s draft annual pl[...]ware Palmerston North, will be a
guest speaker at the meeting on Tuesday
26th of May. Dawson, a New Zealander,
was also active in the London cycling
campaign. All cyclists and support[...]isations.

Minster Refuses To Meet
With Students

The New Zealand University Students
Association last week received a letter
from the Minister of Education, refusing
a request to meet with the President of
the Association, Patrick Rooney.

“it is disgraceful that the minister will
not even consider meeting with members
of the education sector to discuss issues.
We consider his lack of commitment to
honest dialogue with the public of this
country to be completely un-democratic” ‘
said Mr Rooney.

An adviser on Education from the
Ministers office replied to Mr Rooney’s
request on the ministers behalf, saying
he was unable to make ti[...]ZUSA due to already “pressured”
schedule.

“The Government has no legitimate
right to make such d[...]n they
have not bothered to properly consult with
the public, nor listen to their concerns.
We are left[...]Vice President
Sarah Helm.

Come and see us in the Students’ centre
foyer on Wednesday 27th[...]

The booklet contains some £31 1
derived from a cumul[...]nment combnents i
services. For example, we 1e at the government is spending an instégsed
money on social services. Yesfigii‘it not as a proportions“ GDP- the amotfi __
stable, although the recent slashes to the sickness benefit will affect that net

according to the NZ Council of Christian Social
When the income is inadequate to meet basic social[...]begin with:M

1 “r I 3? -
Finally, we , _ _ to the question ofmaintaining health. Visitation and pre[...]GPS no longer gfier comprehenséy rogrammes like the nat1onai greast cancer screening programme So do[...]o make sure unwanted pregnancies don’t occur in the first place? 1% “ " '[...]most of their income on market rentals? That’s the story for most; if bankeLlSQ‘lSVl‘iOW are ,_[...]enabling early mastery of basic learning skills, the government slashed ,_,
education and care subsidies available under the Childcare Subsidy in 199 Most early “
childhood[...]r». ./ 1 ~_.

itgtpogsubsidising j
the successful Family Group Conference programme prop[...]and social service agency involvement? As far as the above items go tob,
market rental with hunger, wi[...]g regimes"!
parents, and don’ t be surprised at the outcome. ’

, gerguspn St., Palmer[...]

Yet more free stuff from the good folks
at Chaff.

All correct entries in the XWORD go into
a weekly draw for a yummy Kebab 8c Drink
from Turkish Delight in The Plaza

Delicious food from an award
winning business.
The Plaza Foodcourt.

AQROSS D WN
1 Laddie (5) l Dive[...]l8 Low-resistance coil (7)
22 Appease (7 ) 19 In the middle (7)
24 Once more (5) 21 Radio antenna (6)[...]ely grated rind of lemon

pot cream

packet pasta(noodles or tagliatelle)

Your Food Warehouse

LEMON CHICK[...]99ea

TOTALLY UN BEATABLE

For quality, range and the lowest overall food prices.

FERGUSON ST,[...]

1. ABORTION: This issue has been
rampant in thethe MUSA Office.

2. M.A.I.: The Multilateral Agreement on
Investment will destroy the economic, social
and cultural lives of this country. Ijoined the
Hikoi on the 2nd and 4th of May. Read last
week’s Te Kohinga[...]s joined by thousands of other people
celebrating the end/beginning of a new
(academic) life. Congratul[...]yed about not having
money to buy new clothes and the fuss of
the graduation ceremony. In hindsight, I’m
glad I did it. It was a type of closure ritual on
the years I gave my life to study.

It’s sobering t[...]o start at varsity, and for various reasons
along the way choose to leave: financial,
bereavement, accidents, getting ajob, failing
papers, apathy, whatever. The really tragic
thing is when students leave becaus[...]t turn a nightmare into
an empowering situation.

The MUSA Advocacy Service has volunteer
advocates and[...]r

committees are meeting to
submissions on this. The next Cultural Sub—
committee meeting is Friday[...]TURE: A committee has
been established to discuss the issues raised
at the first MUSA Joint Council Meeting.
Biculturalism?[...]. They are trained to

to discuss consequences of the options and
to facilitate a process for resolutio[...]your accursed enemy.
They might guide you through the Student
Allowance appeal process, or peer edit a letter
you write to the University Disciplinary
Committee. What they don"[...]ing. This is your resolution
process and you call the shots.

So if you’re keen to make it all the way
through to graduation someday, don’t sit
ar[...]hat your problems will fix
themselves. Check out the MUSA Advocacy
Service in the Students’ Association Building

(upstairs from the lunch hall) or phone on
350 4505.

Until next wee[...]tion from any individual

or group proiect within the Palmerston North City area.

For more information[...]TGRAD

Hi everyone,

Two issues this week. First, the results of
the NZUSA (New Zealand University Students’
Association) postgraduate survey, and
second, an update on the interloans charges.

NZUSA Survey

Last year NZUSA co-ordinated a survey of
all the Massey academic departments,
regarding the resources that they gave their
postgraduate students. The questionnaire
was broken down into postgrad diplo[...]and thesis—
marking policies.

This year, with the advent of various
departmental mergers and the new academic
structure the results could be slightly out of
date. Even if the results for your department
seem inaccurate it might be helpful to wave
the survey in front of their faces, and point
out tha[...]et a copy ofthe survey by leaving
me a message at the MUSA office, or by
emailing me at A.M.Maguire(q m[...]may be aware, after lobbying by
MUSA and others, the Vice Chancellor
proposed setting up a committee to look at
the interloan charges issue. His position then
and now is that departments should be
bearing the costs and not students.
Unfortunately this committee seems to be
caught up in the usual bureaucracy, and
meanwhile students continu[...]as ammunition. We hope
to make a press release in the near future,
so ifyou could send a summary ofyour[...]This is the first of our regular, fortnightly

listen to you[...]ns, I columns in Chaff. This week is a review of

the services we offer to students. Please use
our services if you need to. We’re there for
you— the student!

Careers Information Service

Old Regist[...]ng within
halls and flats, mainly contactable in the
evenings. We are able to assist you with any
issues related to living and studying in the
Halls of Residence. In your hall/flat area there[...]NORTH CITY ENVIRONMENTAL TRUST
RESEARCH FUNDING

The Palmerston North Environmental Trust invites appl[...]nduct research that WII
environmental benefits in the City.

Cathy Brown
Secretary
Palmerston North Ci[...]anxiety, relationships,
etc. Phone or call in to the Service to arrange
an appointment.

A Counsellor is available at the Hokowhitu
site, New Black Room 1 7, Telephone {06[...]6)
350 6155. We can help you become familiar
with the university and its services and assist
you with any problems that may arise during
the year. The Centre is available at all hours.

A Disabilities Co—ordinator is available at
the I-Iokowhitu site, Room 7792, Telephone
(06) 356 9[...]One Pa e expressions of interest are requested in the first instance.
applicants will be invited[...]

Capping (n): That time of the year when
universities unleash another wave ofyou[...]iness plans on hold for seven years, but
it wipes the education debt. Let’s face it,
you’re going to be paying the tab for previous
generations anyway, so reneging on your loan
is an opportunity to give the finger to the
Government for saddling you and your friends
with user pays.

Number two: Be happy. The world is full
of too many depressed arseholes alr[...]rself, work out
what makes you unhappy and change the
equation.

The prediction: Every 50 years society
changes. No do[...]deology.

(Quick apologies to anthropologists for the
following simplistic parable.)

Our Bud

Once again the government has produced
a Budget which targets the non—financially
secure members of our ‘society’. The large
group of people that need support, such as
the unemployed, students, single parent
families, tho[...]se, from
middle management down, is going to feel
the unpleasant affect of some of these
schemes.

The Community Wage is one of the most
evil schemes I have seen this country
implem[...]mum wage. Currently, »

those forced to work for the Community Wage
will not receive any protection -[...]evance procedures, and loss

Every 50 years or so the Aztec Indians were
apprehensive of some great cal[...]g on human
gacrifice. Their biggest fear was that the sun
wouldn’t rise. At the end of one 50-year
stretch, instead ofa Sol—les[...]ntroduced
colonialism and basically kicked arse.

The 50 year cycle ofchange also fits pretty
neatly with post-colonial New Zealand. In the
18303 and 403 we had colonisation; the
18805 and 903 saw the liberals creating their
version- “God’s own country’. In the 19305
and 403 we set up the welfare state, only to
pull it apart in the 19805 and 905. Only
history will tell us what sort of society we are
creating now, but I predict by the 2030s we
will have had enough of it. In truth this is
less a prediction, more a forecast based on
the lessons of history.

The challenge: The 20305, hell it seems
like a millennium away. The reality is that
many of this year’s graduates will be in their
fifties, by today’s standards at the apex of
their careers. What sort of society will[...]ay of organising society, a
new form of politics. The clock is ticking
people.

For graduates whose only political
aspiration is apathy, as the song says, “Don’t
worry, be happy”.

Andrew[...]eek, were
considered too sick to work, are now on the
Community Wage. Meanwhile, treasury
estimates that for every four people working
for the community wage, one realjob will be
lost. Our une[...]t’s up to Treasury, and it looks like they
want the biggest labour ‘force’ they can get.
Where ar[...]IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
'IlIle'ue got the iohs!‘

Wonk

EXP E 3 I E "C E
ii Edi
Work, ’ll‘ravell d: Pilay in the USA =Spend your
next summer vacation N ovomlber t[...]Going on at Massey

College of Business

Staff in the College of Business are
circulating a petition against a plan to turn
the much-admired staff common room into
a new office for the Pro Vice Chancellor. The
location of the common room is actually not
very convenient. It is on the top floor, at the
extreme western end of the Business
complex. But the view is superb.What seems
to be annoying many staff is that the plan
was cooked up in secret, and members of the
common room committee were told not to talk
about[...]eech to business
leaders

At a function hosted by the PN “Knowledge
Centre” on Monday evening, the VC said he
expected Massey to be functioning in P[...]Cynical observers
wonder whether this is likely. The university’s
declared aim is to gain the largest possible
share of the tertiary education market in NZ.
Businesses have[...]es a better return than
locating somewhere else.

The world-wide Glaxo company started in
Bunnythorpe,[...]Massey?

Academic staff are amused and annoyed
by the new PR slogans developed by the
“Corporate Communications” section of the
Registry. Here is a comment by one
academic:

are[...]Student Allowance, then
you aren’t eligible for the Emergency
Unemployment Benefit over summer. Wher[...]ur line, as often as you have time.
Don’t abuse the people answering the phone,
there’s not a lot of job choice anymore,[...]living. Talk to them, ask them
what they think of the ads, ask them if they
think the dole is enough to live on, ask them
if they can t[...]reasons why someone
might feel they need to cheat the system, give
them some reasons, tell them why you think
the system cheats you, dob in Jenny Shipley,

PAS[...]Quite frankly I feel embarrassed and
demeaned by the marketeers’ latest efforts
to “brand” Masse[...]or’ feel about it. Moreover,
I am outraged that the accountants,
managers and marketeers (who now appear
to make all the decisions around this
institution which is ostens[...]versity.”

Bennetts contract renewed

Following the grant of a monopoly contract
for catering and accomodation to AFS, the
university has granted a long term monopoly
contract to Bennetts, the firm which for many
years has sold textbooks to[...]argins. Several firms were invited to tender
for the contract, which apparently covers all
the Massey campuses. When Diogenes asked
for details of the contract terms he was told
that they are “comme[...]n about
developments that might be of interest to the
university community. Email addressed to
diogenes[...]his barrel, and he solemnly
guarantees to protect the anonymity of those
who write to him.

Diogenes Kynos

dob in every one of the 120 MP3, keep them
on the line. If we make this scheme
uneconomical, we can[...]onising ads.

Talk to your parents. Tell them how the
Budget will effect you.

Make yourself eligible for Student
Allowance. Try and get to the 96 weeks of
supporting yourself - time on Student[...]e immoral systems
uneconomical. We didn’t elect the Business
Roundtable to government, we shouldn’t[...]m running our country.

KEEP YOUR STUFF
SAFE OVER THEthe Courthouse
in Main Street

Phone 358-8777

BIKES[...]to sofas, videos to vehicles
We 've got room for the lot!

Four Knox

SELF - STORAGE

19 Jasper[...]

The Broadcasting Standards Authority rejected
a compl[...]e to be descnbed as a
mentally deficient person.

The Authority said it believed the word had
been used in the colloquial sense of “a very
stupid or foolish person" which was marginally
derogatory, but was the expression of a
genuinely held opinion in a news[...]on- Psychoanalytic theory holds that
homophobia» the fear. anxiety, anger.
discomfort and aversion tha[...]heterosexual people hold for gay indivrduals-
is the result of repressed homosexual urges that
the person is either unaware of or denies. A
study appearing in the August issue of the
Journal ofAbnormal Psychology, published by
the American Psychological Association,
provides new[...]t is
consistent with that theory.

Researchers at the University of Georgia
conducted an experiment inv[...]hobic men and 29 nonhomophobic
men as measured by the index of Homophobia
scale. All participants descr[...]scence.

Men in both groups were aroused by about
the same degree by the video depicting
heterosexual behaviour and lesbian sexual
behaviour. The only significant difference in
degree of arousal occurred when viewing
male homosexual sex: “The homophobic men
showed a significant increase in penile
circumference to the male homosexual video.
but the control [nonhomophobic] men did
not.“

When asked to give their own assessment of
the degree of arousal from the three videos.
both groups answers were similar to the
physiological measurement, except the
homophobic men significant/yunderestimated
their degree of arousal by thethe first
black player to be purchased for one millio[...]ged in a garage on
May 2. and apparent suicide at the age of 37.
Fashanu jumped bail for criminal charges in the
US involving an alleged sexual assault against
a[...]d those charges.
Peter Tatchell. spokesperson for the London
direct action group OutRage! and a friend of
Fashanu‘s in the eighties, told the “Washington
Post” that, “He showed that gay[...]ports. like
football. it helped undermine some of the
stereotypes about gay men...”"Justin‘s death[...]me out."
Mick Dennis. executive sports editor for the
London “Evening Standard " said, “I think wha[...]y in Los Angeles. and that “I told George
about the rumours of me being gay and he
said. ‘Relax. you're not a star until they've
written the gay rumours.”

DEVIANT

BEIlIr I

Hello darlings! Welcome once more to the
little space where I get to burble away about
any[...]runette). I hope that you all enjoyed capping
and the mischief it entails. Even if you didn’t
go to the Revue (although shame on you for
not), or get inv[...]ot lots to look forward to.

I don’t know about the other people who
contribute to this paper (except for Dr J, who
apparently feels a deep need to moan about
the trouble of meeting the deadlines) but I
always find it difficult to come up with
something good on time— it’s always the day
after that you come up with something really[...]some questions that have
puzzled me for a while.

The biggie is, just why do people feel the
need to persecute queer people - be they
lesbian,[...]What
is it? What’s so wrong with two people of the
same sex being in love? With someone

identifying with the gender opposit

sex they’re born? What
to op[...]read this, but; lease let me know your
answers to the _ _ questions. If you’ve just read
this, talk to the person next to you, and get
them to thinklabout this too.

Well, that’s the profound bit. Now for an
interestingifact; this is the last issue of Chaff
beforethe official start of w[...]comes all fellow
deviants to send us material for the page.
Drop your poems-stories, cartoons.
artwork, prose and stuff thine Uni Q box
located in the MUSA corridor by 2:45
Mondays to be in the next issue of chaff.

you’ve already been weari[...]mentaries, and
programmes of shorts from all over the world.

This year’s programme isthe biggest yet,
with 11 features and over? 60 short films,
showcasing the best of lesbian and gay films
from New'Zealand and around the world,
packed with moving drama, wacky comedy,
indepth documentary and, of course, over the
top melodrama. , ‘

“I Think 1 Do”, a delig[...]“Pool Days”),is rushed
from its screening at the Cannes FilmFestival to
open Out Takes 98 in Welli[...]rmation about Out Takes, or where

to get hold of the programme, please contact:
Felicity Connell
Mobil[...]abour) has distributed a formal
proposal to amend the De Facto Relationships
(Property) Bill to include same—sex couples.

The De Facto Relationships (Property) Bill
will estab[...]means of dividing
relationship—property between the long-term
(three years or more) partners in the case of
a relationship break—down, or between the
surviving partner and the estate in the event
ofa death. Currently the Bill applies only to
heterosexual couples.

Phil Goff’s amendment extends the
definition ofa “de facto relationship” so tha[...]ationship between two
men or two women, where, if the relationship
were between a man and a woman, the

relationship would be considered to be In
the nature of marriage”.

cum-Er-

“The omission of same-sex couples in the
proposed de facto property regime is a clear-cut[...]dment'seeks to redress this,” Mr Goff said.

“The question of the sanctity of marriage is
not challenged by the inclusion of same—sex
couples in a de facto regime. That is a separate
debate. The issue here is simply whether
homosexual New Zeala[...]ships should be denied legal protection
solely on the basis of their sexual orientation.

“This sort[...]s and Human Rights Acts, and is
inconsistent with the diversity of New Zealand
society. I am ple[...]

This week there is the Treasury Department Seminar Presentation for Maor[...]i a Toi. So if you’re interested in working for the Government'in Treasury — being
Winston’s buddy — then go along. '

The end of the semester is fast approaching. I hope everyone is[...]wot
because, unfortunately, exams are just
around the corner. If you’re like me youill be
looking forward to the semester break, and a
chance to get rejuvenated and refreshed for
the second semester. In all this busy time
though, do[...]for Women ’5

Conference;

By Kylie Moriin

The Women’s Conference held in Upper Hutt on the 10th of May was well attended by
representatives from the Universities’ students’ associations, the Maori students’ roopu and
some polytechnic representatives. However, the conference was not attended by the Massey
Women’s Officers due to illness. The aim of the conference was to re-establish the relationship
between the women of all roopuand studentassociations which had broken down during the
last WECA (Women’s Education Coalition otEAOtearoa) hui."A_ll felt that there was a need to

\ review the aims and objectives of WEQA general congiénsus was reached to disestablish
WECA inits present form. The focus was really positii‘re everyone looking towards thethe next NZUSA conference. In the
meanwhile we are looking for a new name.:Any sugg[...]becoming
history, only another three weeks until the
study and exam period which signals the end
of this half of 1998 for studies. I know most[...]and lots
ofwork, not including exam study, before the
exam period. This means you really need to
take n[...]make
sure you pass.

We now have two computers in the
Kaitautoko Office (Room AH3.76, AgHort
Sciences Building, A Wing) which have been
given to us from the Poutama Trust. These
computers are here for stude[...]use them just call in and see if they’re free.
The Poutama Trust have really supported our
Massey wh[...]i a Toi) for those
people who whakapapa to any of the Taranaki
iwi. This hui is aimed at getting to know each

other and also getting an update on some of
the happenings involving Taranaki. The
Treaty of Waitangi Claim situation will be
presen[...]ained from my office. Please
don’t leave it to the last day to get them filled
in and sent away.

OK, so it’s now time to remind you to keep
up the good work with your studies. Take
some time out w[...]th assignments
then come and see myself or any of the other
Kaitautoko Maori. Likewise if you need help[...]her issues then call in and discuss
them with me. The door is always open. You
would be surprised the kaupapa we deal with
in this job!

Have a good we[...]a media assistant to help put things
together for the Te Kohinga page. We’d
like to have your[...]

Dear Chaff,

Few people are happy with the decision
to have Palmerston North known as
Knowledge City. The decision makers
seemed intent on selecting an identity
by which they wanted the city to be
known as rather than what the city is
seen to be — by both residents and
visi[...]h’s
geographical location, physical
attributes, the character of its
inhabitants and their regular ac[...]lternatives which may more
appropriately identify the city (some
should be read very quickly), viz:

Ba[...]Exhaust City, Ciao City.

Please send my prize to the above
address.

Yours,
Alison Wonderland.

Let[...]u include your real name and contact
address with the letters. Of course all the information that you include
will remain strictly[...]here at Chaff.
Your secret is safe with us. . .

The latest 2 James Bond movies are the
worst. Political correctness has no place
in an 007 movie. The latest director
believes he is special: a female ‘M’,
German cars, the possibility of a
homosexual lead. James Bond doesn’t
belong in the nineties and shouldn’t be
modified to. Next it[...]id
night contains a Tech Happy Hour you
will make the effort to visit the Marist
Clubrooms on Pascal Street and drink
your[...]ruce Jackson

Dear Everybody

I am sick of all the meaningless dripple
that goes on in these pages,[...]o doesn’t
know how to sign his name, who cares,
the animal’s cant vote, so piss off and
protest abo[...]boss is
getting nervous), you obviously work for
the IRD so what are you doing writing
into Chaff, wasting the taxpayer’s money
with your ranting and raving,[...], non-sports watching hetero
space huh. How about the unconcerned
academic, was that a threat, dangerous
experiments! Good stuff keep it up, the
more dangerous the better. I support
nuclear testing! SAVE THE WHALES,
harpoon a fat person!

lots of love
The hater

Dear Chaff,
SOUL is full of shit.

Hellbou[...]Or is it everywhere and I am just
another one of the disillusioned? It
looms and threatens to strike down
those who dare break the boundaries of
their specialised personal style. W[...]people roaming and
defending ‘their’ parts of the city. This
enables comfort, friendship and
personal identity, but imagine the inner
turmoil a certified and respected
rugbyhead[...]ey really dig
that local band, and yearn to ditch the
Fitz and sneak down to the Stomach.
Do they have a stash of hidden clothing[...]Horse.

To all those people who came. along to
the Square on May 15 for the Festival of
Unity, I’d just like to write to sa[...]local
community groups and people who
appreciated the opportunity to unite
with students, so thank you[...]ble.
Heaps of people put in a lot of work to
make the day such a success, and I
would especially like t[...]vid Arthur from CAWU,
Dion Martin, Mary Lynn from the Open
Learning Centre and the Flying
Fishwives, as well as members of the
Dallas Pro-Drag All Stars, Three
Desperate Men, S[...]giving their time. I’d also like to
acknowledge the tremendous work of the
Massey Education Action Group, and to
particularl[...], Andy, Awhina, Sheryl,
Grant, Karen (sorry about the
sausages...), Patrick, Andrew and
everyone else who came along to
meetings, did all the boring stuff like
putting up posters, and turned up on
the day.

Katy Hackshaw
MUSA Campaigns Coordinator

People of thethe take—away
shop. He make makes a very
unconvincing hard—arse hero, even with
the side—lighting tricks.

The script is poor. The characters are
cut-outs. The hero-girl relationship is up
to you to imagine. I[...]to their
own opinion. Snigger.

Dear editor,

The earliest recorded survival of a
premature infant[...]- a compound required to
lower surface tension in the lungs— does
not commence until the eighth month
of pregnancy, thus many premature
in[...]milar way, newborn infants cannot
survive without the consistent
commitment of others. Unless someone
i[...]e them. However, a newborn
infant is protected by the law from child
neglect, abuse and infanticide, but the
foetus, even past twenty-one weeks
gestation (at[...]independently of it’s mother),
can be aborted. The only difference
between these two lives is time a[...]any example of a “rational”
SOUL response to the arguments that
SURF raises, then I am amused.

Firstly, Carla gets the dates wrong. The
Contraception, Sterilisation and
Abortion Act was[...]78, not
1976. Moreover, she should really look
at the Macmillan Committee of Inquiry
Report from the late thirties. Not only
was backstreet abortion a[...]health care costs.

Carla also seems ignorant of the reasons
why pregnant women who are
impoverished m[...]birthweight, and
undetected foetal disability. If the poor
are foregoing medical treatment now,
then re[...]abortions would be as
inevitable as they were in the past.

Oh, so just two women’s families lost
th[...]abortion in 1933.

“Rubbish”, eh? I’m sure the anti?

abortion movement regards women lik[...]

legal abortions in the United Kingdom,
the failure to maintain proper medical
standards brought swift punishment
from the courts. I note Carla doesn’t cite
such statistics after the first two years.
Wonder why? Moreover, the tort of
professional negligence is also a potent[...]ters seem to believe
possessive individualism (“the right to
control your own body”) is the same as
libertarians’ completely free individua[...]es about
your own life, as well as work to change
the social context it occurs in.

While one correspon[...]ot “perhaps” be a ground
for abortion access, the pro—choice
movement believes that you should
co[...]risis and Incest Survivors are
formed.

Of course the Christian Right has
campaigned against both state[...]prevention and intervention
services, as well as the criminalisation
of intramarital rape.

As for not[...]aped by men, and that should alert you
to some of thethe results that “gambling”
with sex can have (due to poor sex
education) and many women don’t have
the “choices” to decide whether to
gamble or not[...]a condom etc etc). Sex is l_ea_st of a
gamble for the men who can get women
pregnant and not have to live with the
consequences.

It’s a shame that someone didn’t tell
SOUL’s British version about living with
the consequences of “gambling” with
sex. Robert Carver, President of the
Oxford University “Pro—Life” Group, was
too[...]Carver didn’t. Thank goodness he failed
to stop the abortion.

From Sheryl.
To Chaff,

Bluebird as[...], there are many advantages
to looking at life in thethe Great Grammar Dictionary

in the sky.

One day, to the paeans of thanks from
BAs everywhere, the Spirit of Rob
Muldoon’s body will shrivel up and
atrophy into the gelatinous pool from
whence it came.

You’ll be[...]f each week. Have a sense
of perspective. ‘

In the comforting words of Homer
Simpson: “Don’t let Krusty’s death get
you down, boy. People die all the time,
just like that. Why, you could wake up
dead[...]would
say nice things about you at your
funeral. The downside is, of course, that
you would actually be dead. Ah well, you
can’t have everything.

Bye,
The Eye of the Sleeper

Okay, we’re calling it at this for the
Abortion debate. We’re getting letters
now complaining about the sheer volume
of response we’ve had regarding the
issue.

However, I find it pleasing that in this[...]l so
passionate about something which is
arguably the biggest debate of this
century. Thanks for your input people,
but it’s time to take the argument to
another forum. — Shane.

Dear Gr[...]heir cameras,
and strolled around with them under the
autumn trees of this campus which has
become your home over the years.

You all should be marvellously proud of
your achievements. To me it represents
the desire and commitment to increasing
knowledge, and the side effects of this
are plain to see. Knowledge and
understanding will represent the end of
prejudices and hatred, which are
founded o[...]ruling out an Ag student.
No inclination towards the grand game
of rugby demonstrates that you don’t[...]on’t
worry. There is help for people like you.
'Thethe first stage
of recovery. I’m sure there’s lo[...]ut of our way (ie to Massey)
to preach grammar to the likes of you.
We have better things to do with our
time, like sleep, watch the grass grow...
Well, here endeth my first (and final
draft)

love and sympathy,
Tinkerbell

PS The abbreviation of ‘abbreviate’ is
‘abbrev.’[...]I would first like to say thank-you, firstly
to the bridge contractors for fixing the
hole, where the rain got in and stopped
my mind from wandering wh[...]. Secondly to my flat mates for finally
washing the dishes (goodbye ants, see
you next time). Thirdly to Jim the
Weatherman for the awesome weather
we had last week.

One'of my wise[...]most probably incite
revenge from some corner of the
university but what is the point in doing
a BA? If the government wants to save
money why not cut some f[...], or a song in a futile
attempt to find out what the author was
trying to say, Why don’t you just go[...]natively, just accept it for what it
is, revel in the harmonies ofa good song
or the intricate plots in a good book and
so on. And any[...]give
his good king a useful present on a
budget. The debate ranges to what
exactly this gift was made[...]animal’s intestinal
tract or it’s cured skin the function of
which was still the same. Nowadays this
gift is still being made, however now out
of space—age materials such as latex. The
point I am making is more through use
would a) prevent the need for abortions
(give SOUL its way), b) give SURF its way,
and c) make the Earl of Condom very
happy if he or his family are[...]Kindest Regards,
Glass Onion

Also to...

. Eric the Viking. We’re sorry your letter
didn’t get pu[...]also didn’t get published this week (along
with the other 4-6 abortion debate letters),

ra-

because the point you tried to make about
abortion used some[...]nguage
and imagery, and would only have inflamed
the issue further at a point where we’d like[...]

I
2. Favourite quote
3..., Who'll be the '
-
I

4. What's the o-

Catherine

20
BA

ve no idea.
folks wi[...]eter Jackson.
4. (blank look) I don't know.

1.,«The Teletubb
2. "Egfindly face '.

.51,[...]Spice Girls."
shirt. You're so sexy I_

In the airforce

Mel

819A
semep

TC)

4. "I couldn't be in the 5

if

physically sick.[...]

the only emotional responses on a plane. But S[...]

How did you first get involved in comedy?

At Massey, in the Capping Revues. Have you ever been to the Capping Revue? Well, I was
in those. There was a whole bunch of us guys that did the capping revues that were really
good friends, and we started doing shows outside of the revues as well. One of the guys, Paul
Horan, invented the idea of the University Comedy Competition, between all the Universities.
The first one of those was in 1986, my first year,[...]o I would say success and fame have given me just the best job in the world.

So what’s it like being so funny?

Oh,[...]rove it on
a trailer out to Massey, and put it on the steps up to the library from concourse. We put. it
halfway up tho[...], do you think it’s changed since it began, for the better or worse?

It’s definitely changed heap[...]Beverly Hills and
Bakerfield Pd, and just us in the middle, it was just kind of a big Saturday aftern[...]different show really. But I still think we have thethe Hospital Programme which is different.

So do you write the material for the shows on Ice TV yourselves?

Yeah, most of it. Orie of our Directors writes the Hospital and Police Programmes most of
the time, but that’s all that’s really written down anyway, the rest we just kind of make up;

How did you come t[...]When I was in my first year, and I went along to the
Capping Revue, Jeremy was already there. He and his girlfriend were kind of like the king
and queen of the whole thing. I just though they were the best, I looked up to Jeremy so
much, he’s a few[...]oved up to Auckland too, it’s crazy, about half the people doing
comedy in Auckland now actually came from Massey.

Have you got any plans to return to the exciting Mecca of Palmerston North?

Next Questio[...]tell us if you have anything exciting planned for the Pulp Comedy night ?

Aha. Well, I’m very excited. Once I get on the stage I think I’ll just be too excited and
prob[...]a few minutes, maybe 10-15 minutes just enjoying the theatre, and then I’ll go on to
enjoying the crowd. I think it’s quite a big theatre from memory, so I’ll be able to enjoy the
people that are there for a while. That will probably take me through to the end. I don’t think
there will be any real gags,[...]like despite what I said, I can’t get away from the place.

Fr

Yeah, that’s right, the new Regent.
...Haue you got anything special plan[...]One thing I do usually do is a little thing about the Mothers motor
cycle club, are they still in town?[...]t kneecapped or anything when I’m
coming out of the theatre! It’s not actually offensive, but you never know with those guys.

We rung up the Regent once and wanted to drive a Harley Davidson up one of the aisles on
to the stage, it was a prank call I did when I was working at the radio down there, but the
manager wasn’t too keen; he was kind of there f[...]re ridiculous. he was like, “maybe you’ve got the wrong theatrel”.

We know you used to go to Mas[...]then I thought shit, I’m going
to need ajob at the end of this so I started computing. I worked at Radio Massey when it was
up at the back of the gym, in the early days. I was the breakfast DJ, yeah it was good fun.

Tell us abou[...]to have a great time. We
made a little album with the engineer from 2X8 at the time, and yeah it was great. We had
great fun in[...]’t really that cool. ‘Meltdown Records’ was the record
label that we started up; what happened was a few bands won a kind of battle of the bands,
I think we were third or something, so we[...]ord- so we formed Meltdown Records... But none of the other
bands wanted to be on the record with us, we basically had no cred. In the end Meltdown
records didn’t even acknowledge us[...]and drums so that sort of thing. We used
to play The Clash, Gang of Four and all that sort of stuff. I[...]kind of let you get through that down there! And the best thing is
Massey University’s Capping Revue. I don’t know if it’s the same now but it’s one of the few
capping revues that really let new talent hav[...]ting through to
directing and actually acting out the stuff. You know a lot of the other capping revues in the

An
Inter vie w
With

era/71y , e

6Darbatz

othe[...]ere were some kind of painful failures in some of
the sketches, but that was one of the best things about it, everyone is really supportive. I
mean the same was true at Radio Massey when I was there, y[...]n Bridges?

Jon was involved there at Massey with the capping Revues too. He came along one time,
and k[...]He’s getting some recognition or something from
the University isn’t he? He’s getting some bloody award or something I think he said. The guy
I work with, Kim, and I got a radio award, what do they call it— it’s basically the best breakfast
show team, yeah, they call it Best[...]s because Mike West and Baldrick won, what is it, the regional, provincial something.
They have differe[...]it confusing, but yeah.

What was it like hosting the Gong Show?

That was an interesting one. Some...[...]ngs with a
positive attitude. It’s kind of like the show might not be exactly what I want to do, but[...]had little victories in
every show, but obviously the show itself was not what we... You know, not the best thing
that New Zealanders can make that’s for sure! One of the things that people probably don’t
realise is that all twenty shows are recorded in four days, so by the time you’re seeing the last
show, you know; It’s a lot of work and the[...]and also getting acts on is another hard one. By the time you’re getting the really good loony
talent in New Zealand to ring u[...]want to go on, it’s all been finished.

About the show at the Regent...

Well it’s going to be really fun, Pa[...]people with Palmy connections
are going to be in the show. But it’s really cool. I mean the Regent Theatre, that’s where I went
as a kid and watched all the movies. I’m looking really forward to seeing it[...]s,
she’s an Aucklander and hasn’t really seen the place before, she has just heard about it from
me; so I was kind of worried. But it turned out to be the most awesome day, and all the trees
looked really green...

That must of been b[...]it or anything but you always
remember place from the people you mix with, otherwise it’s just[...]

running until the 3lst ofMay

A Thin Grey Line goes beyond the surface of the “finished” art work that is normally
displayed at a Gallery and gives visitors a chance to glimpse the working processes and
studio lives of the artists.

This exhibition demonstrates that drawing does not have to be done in pencil. The
drawings in A Thin Grey Line have been made using[...]charcoal, conte, oil stick, pastel and even ink. The pictures displayed show a wide
range of gestures[...]This exhibition contains many items from the Gallery’s study collection which aren’t
often displayed. The study collection comprises of many sketches and artists’ workbooks.
Many of these have been gifted to the Gallery by artists, who wish to make the processes
of their art—making available for study.

This exhibition shows the working porcesses of the big names in NZ art— Toss
Woolaston, Colin McCa[...]Robinson and Maria Olsen.

The Heart that Stood Still
the Manawatu River as interpreted by three artists:
P[...]n Warbrick Albert McCarthy

running until the 21$t ofJune

The Heart That Stood Still is an exhibition by three[...]y have created a collaborative
installation using the Manawatu River as a common ground to unite their individual '
contributions.

The title of the exhibition alludes to the story of I-Iau, which describes the origins of
the name “Manawatu”. Hau is believed to have arrived on the Aotea canoe. In search of
his wife, who had run o[...]nganui, crossing
rivers and naming each one after the experience he had there. Finding the Manawatu so
large he feared he could not cross it[...]atu, meaning nervous heart.

The river was chosen for this exhibition because of its importance to the Rangitane. In
earlier times it was an important food source, as the ponds left behind from flooding
provided plentiful eels and other foods. The river was also a major transport route for the
region.

Warren Warbrick’s artwo[...]-standing carving that recalls Maori histories of
the river, making reference to the two migration wakas (canoes) associated with the
Rangitane people, the Aotea and the Kurahaupo.

Albert McCarthy’s piece also focuses on the river in a “drawing” in space made from
suspended wire. His contribution relates to changes the Manawatu River has undergone
since pre-European times. For example, the construction of flood protection has channeled
the river and made it much smaller than it once was.[...]plastic tubing attached around all four walls of
the gallery. A coloured substance pulses through the tubing aided by a pump. This work
makes reference to the Manawatue and all rivers as living organisms, vital to human
existence.

The Manawatu Art Gallery is open every day from 1 0 till 5, and admission is free. If you
want to contact the Gallery you can phone on (06) 358 8188, orfax on[...]s

hat’fi up 4,)
tOmaCh?

29th May, Rockquest

The Xtra Smokefree Rockquest hits
town again. 14 bands from all over the
place rocking out in style. It’s on at the
Teachers College Auditorium, doors open
at 8pm. T[...]xtra.co.nz for further
information and to look at the photos from
the semifinal.

5th June, 5 Bands for 5 Bucks

Another new band night at the Stomach featuring the future
of Palmy’s music. 5 performers come together to perform for
the first time ever. Always a rockin’ good time. Doors open at
8:30pm and the bands start making noise shortly thereafter.

WORKSHOPS

The fabled and elusive Hip Hop Workshops:

Saturday 30th May

The first of two weekends of workshops. This is the
introduction and registration thing. The programme includes
demos, videos, as well as the opportunity to try things out.
Come down on the day. Gold coin donation.

Saturday 6th June

The follow-on from last week’s introductory worksho[...]ng, DJ’ing and Graffiti art. You need to go
to the first one.

SPLEEN CONTRIBUTIONS

Every week, the Stomach publishes gig guide info and other
releva[...]n a casual or weekly
basis.

MANAGEMENT MEETINGS

The Stomach Management Committee meets twice a month,
at the Stomach on 76 Lombard Street. The meetings are open
to the public and everyone that uses the Stomach is encouraged
to come and have their say about what they’d like the Stomach
to be doing. Dates for the next couple of management meetings
are June lst a[...]ards.

New Aaetaroa Fiction and Poetry Anthology:
The NeXt Wave presents a sample of the emerging and innovative voices of Aoetaroa/ New Zealand in the ’90s Hard—edged
e e t a realism and fantasy,[...]nism, multiculturalism and postmodernism mix with the unruly urban rythyms and the

shrill drive of popular youth culture and modern[...]poetry.

By turns lively, cynical and irreverant, the writing revelas the diverse lifestyles of ’90s urban youth culture. Scott Kendrick
does the Lambton Shuffle, David Lyndon Brown camps it up in Queen Street, and Bill Payne follows the misfortunes of a
bunch of bad boys on their way t[...]Auckland. In contrast, Maraea Rihari illustrates the plight of a single mother.

A strong regionalism is maintained with the voices of Maori and Pacific writers. Sia Figiel[...]per Hutt Posse’s Dean Hapeta. Phil Kawana
tells the tale of the rise and fall of a reggae band, and Robert Sulliv[...]akeha is portrayed in Hinemoana Baker’s story.

The crossover between poetry and music is evident with contributions from musicians including The Mockers’ Andrew
Fagan, Squid Christmas’ Nick[...]n Pole.

Multiculturalism features prominently in the collection, with contributions from Bulgarian Kap[...]e, and Emily Perkins and Ingrid Horrocks foray on the big OE in Prague and Japan respectively.

The NeXt Wave is published by the University of Otago Press and is due for r[...]

DOWN 1W5 Gurfé‘R/NG.[...]

ion“

the drug of the net. ion
TV AND You.- JUST MARRIED

Well now. So you’re married to your television. How is the
newlywed couple getting along then?

Knowing that[...]r that duvet. You’ve been working hard all day, the study
is done, and now it’s time to seek refuge from the winter in
your nice warm bed.

Let’s check out what’s on the box... late!

TV2 began a new series on Sunday called Dark Skies
(10.30pm)- a sci—f1 thriller set in the 19603, in which a man
finds proof that aliens who can control human minds, the
Hive, are on earth. He also learns that a shadowy government

. agency known as Majestic-12 is covering up the evidence,
blah blah blah. The series continues on Tuesday, more alien
cover—ups I’m afraid, fast becoming one of the most cliched
concepts in the genre just at present.

But not to worry. On Mondays at 10.30 are The Outer
Limits, which are also top notch if you enj[...]as only a matter of time, with Seinfeld ending in the

Event Horizon
dir. Paul Anderson, 1997

When[...]as R16, so I went along to it
happy and secure in the knowledge that it couldn’t get that bad. It was R18 and I was
hyperventilating ten minutes in and adopting the recovery position towards the end. However,
now it’s out on video it’s a little easier to deal with, as you can watch it in the daytime with all
the lights on and your eyes closed.

Set in the notvtoo-distant future, thethe Event Horizon turns up again, along with a garbled distress call. Thusly
Weir (Sam Neill), the physicist responsible for the Horizon’s flash drive and part—time nutbar,[...]ibly and shipped out to Neptune. ~

Course, as is the way with big scary—looking ships that vanish mysteriously for seven
years then reappear, the Horizon is devoid of any live crew, though a few dead ones are still
floating about the place, and the ship itself seems to have picked up some alarming[...]eir own in cramped, dark areas, and handin enough
the ship is full of cramped, dark areas, including ai[...]ls and such. Things start going remarkably badly, the
spooky bits start becoming full-on nasty bits, an[...]pretty good; it loses some of its impact towards
the end, but it scared me absolutely shitless (though that’s not actually that difficult). If you
jump when the window shutters flick open five minutes into the film (don’t worry, it’s not an
icky bit) then you’re in the right frame of mind for the rest ofit. The cast are all fine and good,
all seemingly fairly[...]what with this being a
sci—fi horror and all. The sets and special effects are great, and when they[...]u’ve missed something, and
apparently you have: thethe second time around!

TVl were bound to get through the series of ‘Allo ‘Allo
sooner orlater, as they[...]y late every Wednesday. TV2, however, make up for the
loss by reviving Absolutely Fabulous— but again[...]ouble episodes!
Twice in one night! Hell. You and the telly are doing well
aren’t you?

Best to give[...]Friday nights are good. TVl is proud to present The Full
Wax and French and Saunders beginning at 1 1[...]Have a party at
someone else’s place and leave the telly going in the
background for visual stimulus!

There’s your r[...]n
sharing your— er, duvet, well, just make sure the TV doesn’t
find out!! '

Dork Skies - More cov[...]a stick at.

NEXT WEEK: Study leave for exams... the marriage ends
in divorce!

W W W n.
Midway Pl[...]They take up
right where they left off, as though the broken date was the previous night, and Martin finds
himself having[...]lot might have ended up making for a bad film if the wrong people
were directed by the wrong director, but it has been pulled off brilli[...]me excellent performances out of his charges, and the whole thing gels as
though the cast and crew have worked together on hundreds of projects. John Cusack is
fantastic as the sober yet quirky assassin, and carries some memorable scenes with seeming
ease. His dialogues with all of the characters are both well scripted and well delivered, due in
no small part to the quality of the other actors. Minnie Driver is wonderful as the jilted
girlfriend who makes Martin work for her f[...]his crazy best with
Grocer, and Alan Arkin makes the most of a small part as the neurotic psychiatrist who is
afraid of his client (Blank). But wait there’s more: Jeremy Piven excels as the pot—smoking,
BMW driving real—estate agent, and Joan Cusack is at her eccentric best with Marcella, the
slightly deranged yet very enthusiastic secretary[...]sy tie—ups, no throw—away jokes: just some of the driest humour
you’re likely to see in an[...]

i

Gratuitous Tommy~|ooking— ‘
staunch picture

The
Wedding
Singer

Adam Sandler, star of films like[...]ayed through a vaccum cleaner
pipe, when he feels the part needs it. He can put on an
amazing angry fac[...]t
comedy thing (don’t ask if you don't know) on the telly, then
you will agree his impression of Axel[...]dings (duh) who
has a falling out at his own when the other half doesn’t make
an appearence. He makes[...]he sings at (Drew Barrymore) and sure enough, as
the cheesy story line runs along, falls for her .....[...]ng back and saying “Of course, when they

As in The Fugitive, our surprisingly nice and responsible
d[...]tacular
accident while he is being transferred to the Federal
Penitentiary. This time they are flying, and for an added piece
of nail—biting suspense Sam is on the plane too. Then you get
to see the most longwinded plane crash in film history this
year. The plane gets a hole blown in the side and starts it fall
out of the sky, the pilots decide to land on a conveniently
long stra[...]that is right in front of them,
cool. So they get the plane on to the ground and then it just
starts to get silly. They[...], who
would have guessed they would be sitting by the side of the
road, the wings and tail are ripped off with accompanying
explosions, and then (gasp) the road disappears and the
Wingless plane falls off a cliff (oooh) and into a river (ahhh)
and starts to sink with all the prisoners trapped inside (fuck
off). If you haven[...]already there is only one prisoner
missing and so the chase begins. Sorry to disappoint you
folks but the rest of the movie is just a drawn out bore and
hands up who can guess the end.

US Marshals is At the Bottom of As Good As It Gets
(according to the official Chaff—o-matic rating system) — it f[...],
because it’s cool to cast French actresses at the moment,
and that’s about all you can say about that.

This last bit is to mention the wonderful Replacement

Killers. It has unfortunately finished by the time you read
this, but if you are an action fan[...]lence and
offensive
language

The Chaff—O'Matic
Movie Rating
System(TM)

1. So fa[...]by Leonard Maltin.

2. At the bottom of As Good As It Gets
3. It tries to be As[...]ad their tape BEFORE
they got big” then this is the movie for YOU!

Set entirely in 1985, this movie will make you laugh, make
you cry, make you hurl. See the clothing and the styles that
were synonimous with the words “eighties” and “shite”. See
the toilets packed as people vomit up what was left o[...]AT’S ON @
DOWNTOWN CINEMA 8

FOR MORE INFO CALL THE CINEMA HOTLINE...
355 5656
OR SURF THE WEB To...
www.DOWNTOWN_cINEMA8.co.Nz

BLUES BROTH[...]IT GETS (M)
GOOD WILL HUNTING (M)
US MARSHALS (M)
THE JACKAL (M)
ULEE’S GOLD (M)
HARD RAIN (M)
PRIMARY COLOURS (M)
187(R16)

WINGS OF THE DOVE (M)
TITANIc (M)

THE WEDDING SINGER (M)

THE DOWNTOWN CINEMA 8
COMPETITION

Identify the correct movie

and actor for each quote
Question[...]y’ve cancelled
capping!”
Prize - A circuit of the ring-road.

Question 2

Who said - “Some people hate the
English. I don’t, they’re just wankers.
We on the other hand, are colonised by
wankers.”

Prize - Book of ten tickets to the
movies.

Question 3

Who said - “If I only had a living brain.”
Prize - An exciting holiday package to
the Planet of the Robot Monsters.

Include your name and phone
numb[...]t Week’s Answer - Richard E
Grant, Spice World: The Movie

If you are one of the wise ones who have brought a SUBcard then these are the
places who currently offer you a discount with them. If you don’t have a SUBcard, then
these are the places that you could get stuff cheaper if you di[...]for 12 months worth of discounts and free stuff.

The Fitz ~ Ferguson St — Handle and Bourbon Club pr[...]Ave - 10% off jewellery

Manawatu TV & Sound — TheThe Square - 10% discount

Truelife Bakery — 49 The Square - 5% off items

Heroes For Sale - 20 The Square — 5% off items

Cafe Cuba - Cnr Cuba &.[...]Surf — Square Edge - 10% off selected items .

The Corner Pocket — 39—40 The Square - Discounts off coffee

Jenny Doyle Massag[...]and
what was Mums is now looking quite
good.

On the event horizon is a bit quiet as we

' are leading[...]wait, I

”is” almost forgot... 1m Student of the Year!
Check out who is the most deserving at
either The Fitz or The Fat Ladies Arms.

Next semester we have a whole h[...]tuff happening. We start off with Winterfestival. The big events are 'Ihi
Mid Winter Christmas Party. The Bennetts Great Debate and of course

the Unity in Diversity Festival. These events are gre[...]e about
anything (well almost anything) and enter the competition. The movies
get shown at Downtown Cinema 8 and then we have an awards night
called not the Oscars. It's heaps of fun. and best of all you ge[...]and prizes and who knows where you could end up.

The Fitz... 27th April - 9th May
8 names drawn out on the 9th May 8 names drawn out on the 16th My
Semi Final Thursday 14th May
4 out of the eight get through to

Get up to MUSA and pick up your entry form now!

See you all next week.

Rob The Final 16th May

me your favourite Spice Girl
give reasons and win a ticket to
The Great Debate

Be in to win these
Tui Wardrobe, Tu[...]!

What do I have to do? That's easy, get down
to The Fitz or The Fats and enter the draw
by drinking... Tui

Retail Plumbing-

Independent Tape Release

Perhaps the most elusive musical collaboration is Palmerston North has done the
unexpected and released a tape all of their own,[...]laborate on that infamous track
which appeared on the Excommunicated compilation. The added bonus with this release is
that it come wit[...]rsions of that song that everybody wants to hear; the
anthem of a disturbed generation, the one, the only— CHAINSAW!!!

Other highlights on this qua[...]d national anthem, ‘Mushroom’, ‘I Wanna Be (the mega-Vishnu mix), and ‘Descending
Arab Hordes’. And just to prove that the boys of Retail Plumbing also have a softer side,[...]nclude a moment’s silence in respect for two of the swamp’s
dearly departed bands- Vargas Grell and[...]ards and angst—saturated vocals, not to mention the added amusement
factor. Buy it!

The 99.4fM SUBcard,
quite possibly the ONLY
piece of plastic you'll
ever need.

Irresist[...]orry it’s over, you missed out.

Tul Student of the Year

MUVlMAC Competition
get your entry form now[...]ersity Festival

eat prizes .....

i Beer Fest
The Fats... 27th April - 16th May The TU

Semi Final Thursday 21st May
4 out of the eight get through to
The Final 23rd May

Words from the 99. 4 fM

Well what can I say? Not a lot-really, ‘Vampire: The Under-grad Ball’ will be happening
after I write this. I’ll jump the gun and say that it was great and if you didn’t go then you’re
a damn fool for missing out on the best music event to hit town for a while.

May Madness is still happening this week. Listen into the 99.4FM Breakfast Show and
put your name into the draw to see if you are as brave as Breakfast Shan[...]ping into a bridge swing out at Balance Bridge on the other side of the Manawatu
Gorge. Who knows what it will be this we[...], a scuba-dive or a shit—dive? Or
is it to walk the length of concourse sans clothing? The only way to find out is listen to the
Breakfast Show all week and enter your name in the draw.

The long—awaited 99.4F M Party Bomb is now up and running. Watch out for the Radio
Massey crew on concourse every Wednesday lunch so you can put your party into the hat.
The lucky party will receive a whole heap of party su[...]nd other stuff to liven up your party experience. TheThe
inimitable Bryan Gibson, 99.4fM‘s
Programme Guy, one-fourth of the divine
Fader and general lovely pretty person. He[...]u- Candy Apple Grey (1986)

This album has two of the most beautifully
sad songs in existence: “Hardl[...]It” and “Too Far Down”, as well as some of
the best punk rock you can find. I’m still

thrash[...]irteen years
old...

Pop Will Eat Itself- This Is The Day, This
Is The Hour, This Is This (1990)

The Poppies changed my life back in ’91
when they played orientation, and this record
has the coolest hooks and some of the best
sampling around. Essential party music.

Codeine- Thethe
same time.

Bailter Space- Robot World (1992)

I[...]hese guys to
only one album, but I reckon this is the best
space out music around. Beautiful harmonics
and perfect pop.

Dirty Three- Horse Stories (1996)

Maybe the best live band in the world, this
album rocks and rolls and does every other
emotion inbetween without the need for

words, which is often the way things should
be...

Slint- Spiderland (1990)

The band that started a genre. Brilliantly
arranged p[...]r" over and over.

PJ Harvey— Rid Of Me (1991)

The most beautiful female voice in
existence and she[...]uld I ask for.

Earthling— Radar (1995)

Mau is the coolest rapper, mainly ‘cos he
links words like[...]his face, which means
alot when yer listening in the same state.

Kiss- Alive (1976)
The one retro seventies thing I can relate
to. Sex on[...]vey— Intoxicated Man (1995)

A Bad Seed take on the songs of Serge
Gainsbourg. Slinky, red wine music for late
in the evening covering topics like getting
fucked up, r[...]sex.

Y.

' Manager

will be announced during the brand new ‘Inter—active Show’ which airs ev[...]m 5—6pm on 99.4FM

Speaking of brand new shows, the ‘Sin Bin’ is another one of our new additions to the
Radio Massey experience. Join Moosey. Jon and a stack of special guests as they talk about
the sporting week that was and the one that will be. Every Tuesday night from 6-7pm on
99.4FM is the place to catch all the best sports results and comments. If you think th[...]m or sport should have results or info as part of the ‘Sin Bin’, contact Radio Massey on
350[...]

THE BRING OUT YOUR DEAD TOUR

Hello. It is I, your lo[...]and over again it will come true. N o it won’t! The fact that Jason Gunn has yet
to be torn to pieces[...]ain, bugger all. Well I say bollocks.
Bollocks to the whole idea. In fact, bollocks to everything.

Why[...]a bitter mood? Well, I’ll tell you why.

It is the start of capping week (well it is now when I’m writing this. Obviously it will be the
week after by the time you read it.) I always find this time of the year infinitely depressing.
The sight of all those smug-looking graduates in their flash robes, the hordes of parents
beaming with pride at their beloved offspring, the McDonalds representatives handing out
long—term contracts to graduating BAs, the whole thing makes me sick.

Why do I hate it? I hate it because the sight of other people graduating always reminds me
of the fact that I’m not, and at the rate I’m going, it‘s not likely that I ever w[...]column is appearing now rather than last week in the
official Capping Week issue of Chaff, I forgot dammit, now just get off my back about the
whole thing).

Now, just when I think I’m at my[...]e sneaks up and delivers me another swift kick to the goalies. Yep, this is also the

Andnomeda’s S‘EP‘WB

After recent attempts[...]S (Apr 20 — May 20)
This week you will discover the meaning of life. Alas, you will be bitterly disap[...].

LEO (Jul 23 — Aug 22)
Your_obsession with the Teletubbies will lead to mass destruction and wor[...]CH

1..

week for my monthly appointment with the Employment Service where I have to explain why
I should continue to receive the dole despite the fact that I haven’t applied for a single job in[...]ned
to bed.

Day 2- Rose at mid—day. Looked out the window in case a job was out there. Saw none.
Ret[...]had been used to wrap up fish and chips in. Ate the chips. Returned to bed.

Day 5- Despairing at the lack of employment opportunities available I deci[...], I’m not looking forward to explaining this to the insane woman in
charge of my case. Last time she told me they would try to find me a job in the fast-food
industry. Why thank you very much, perh[...]his bitterness and anger, I must steel myself for the long week ahead. Next
week’s column will be a h[...]raduating Shaun, and I hope your 880 makes up for the fact that for
the last three years you’ve spent your Saturday nig[...]l go to lectures
and continue to breathe. Much to the dismay of others.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 — Nov 21)

D[...]ng attempts to will those around you to die under the power of your
telepathically-guided laser vision, you will be forced to accept that the Force is not with you.

SAGIT’I‘ARIUS (Nov 22 — Dec 21)

The Moon is entering a negative phase. To add to the pleasantries of your day, several
females around[...]— and would like to share with you a debate on
the merits of scalping. Smile and nod.

CAPRICORN (De[...]er a period of mourning. Your comrades are losing the ongoing battle
against the advances of Vet Students. The ducks are seeking to file harassment suit[...]

11.45am, Eleventy—One Sesame Street.[...]ed and pulls on
his black silk dressing gown with the mesh
inserts. In the hallway he passes Priscilla,
who is having an animated conversation with
Hennie Pennie, her duster, about the
disgusting state the cobwebs are in.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” comes a scream from
the bathroom. Saffron is standing in the
doorway. “The toilet is blocked and the back
garden is flooded with sewage!” Oscar comes
to survey the scene.

“Damn.” he says. “What are we going[...]ZW13.
I have a plan.” She draws them away from
the door. -“Oscar, you take Heathcliff’s
EFTPOS c[...]me you can let your liking
for size run wild. Get the biggest you can
find.”

“Yessir,” replies[...]to Saffron:

“Now, we are going to infiltrate the Council
Building. We need to wear some of Priscil[...]dvance
menacingly on Priscilla.

“Have you seen the bathroom?” enquires
Saffron casually.

“Of co[...]to clean it as soon as I’ve finished
polishing the chair legs." ZW13 pulled out
her flashlight and shone it in Priscilla’s face,
pushing her up against the wall at the same
time.

“So you admit it then.” she hisse[...]what’s good for you, you will forget all
about the others and follow my instructions.”

“What others?” bleated the terrified
Priscilla.

“Good.” replied ZW13. “I see you learn fast.
You will clean the bathroom and refuse to
answer any questions. We w[...]as ZW13 and
Saffron withdrew. Diana herded her in the
direction of the cleaning products.

Soon, ZW13 and Saffron were
conservatively clothed. The only giveaways
were the balaclavas they wore rolled up, so
they could be[...]watches.” ZW13 looked
soberly at Saffron. “Is the plan clear?”

“Affirmative.” replied Saffro[...]sneak up on a paranoid person. Keep
your back to the wall.” They strode out of the
house.

Oscar and Meat finished positioning the
pump is the back garden over the rupture in
the pipes. Saffron and ZW13, clad in black
camouflage[...]cing inside to change. ZW13 and
Saffron connected the pump while Priscilla
stood nearby, Diana a discre[...]nce away.

“In exactly 47 minutes you will push the
stop button, implementing stage III. When
we contact you on the Inspector’s cellphone
you will push the stop button. The code will
be The shit has hit thethe consequences.”
Diana bared her teeth. ZW13 chec[...]h.

“Let’s go!” she cried. They strode from the
garden.

No—one noticed Mr. Floppy Ears sitting in
the corner. He had been wondering how to
make best us[...]nose and disappeared.

Priscilla sat forlomly by the pump. Exactly
47 minutes later she pushed the button. Soon
afterwards the phone rang.

“The shit has hit the roof.” said a voice.
The phone clicked off. Priscilla hit the stop
button and stood up, wondering what to do
no[...]creech of brakes. A figure
came sprinting across the grass.

“Inspector!” she gasped. The Inspector
grabbed her by her hair and sneered gri[...]you frame me for that capping stunt
then make all the toilets in the Council
Building backwater. The City Manager was
actually sitting on his at the time.” He pulled
Priscilla close. “You have a lot of explaining
to do.”

He dragged her into the house and
slammed her bedroom door behind them.[...]W 13 smiled.

No—one noticed Mr. Floppy Ears in the
corner on his large black box, a bunch of
Polaroi[...]is someone to be my human
cover.” He hops down the hallway and into
Ernie’s room.

“One d[...]

Landlady.

Nicely done, Edith. Duly not[...]some last minute hints on how to tackle exams
at the last minute.

A Single Fact Can Ruin A Good Argum[...]to Fri.
9am - 5pm \

3

\I\I\\I

10am - 1pm
“The Big Purple Building" L
46 WEST STREET

.{r

iiiiiiiii iiiioii

For The Best Selection Of Recycled Clothing

10% S[...]

EIIII'] IIII

' The SQUCIIC
IsioI‘I JCIIII‘I

Izo—

PIgwIlIII[...]MORNING

12.00 MIDDAY

12.30 ANIMAL HOSPITAL - ON THE
HOOF PGR

1.05 REMINGTON STEELE PGR

2.10 UK TODAY G ADLER

2.30 PORRIDGE PGR

3.05 TAKE YOUR PICK G

3.35 THE BOLD 8:. THE BEAUTIFUL PGR
4.05 ALL TOGETHER NOW

4.35 TE KARE[...]- BBC WORLD
NEWS

1.15 WORLD BUSINESS REPORT
1.30 THE WORLD TODAY

2.30 WORLD LIVING: FILM ’98

3.00[...]S

4.30 WORLD LIVING: EARTH REPORT
PERU - BACK TO THE FUTURE

5.00 THE WORLD TODAY

6.05 HOME SHOPPING

6.35 HONEYBEE HUTCH G

7.00 WOWSER G

7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE
MERMAID G

8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET 81. THE
PLANETEERS G

8.30 BARNEY 81. FRIENDS G

9.00 HER[...]D STREET PGR
10.00 HOME SHOPPING

12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR
1.00 DAYS OF OUR LIVES G

2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW G

3.00 HOME SHOPPING

3.30 WHAT[...]PARKER LEWIS CANT LOSE G
6.00 HOME AND AWAY

6.30 THE SIMPSONS G BART THE
F INK

7.00 SHORTLAND STREET A ONE
HOUR EPISODE[...]ER’S CHOICE

9.35 MURDER CALL AO CRY WOLF
10.35 THE OUTER LIMITS A0 I HEAR
YOU CALLING

11.30 SEINFELD PGR THE KISS
HELLO / THE DOORMAN

12.30 THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW PGR
1.00 MOVIE: IMAGINE: JOHN LEN[...]ME G

7.05 YOU AND ME G

7.30 DANGERMOUSE G

7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD
SCARRY G

8.05 TELETUBBIES[...]0 3 NEWS

700 HOME IMPROVEMENT G
7.30 FRESH UP IN THE DEEP END PGR
8.00 HOME IMPROVEMENT NEW
SERIES G

8.30 MIRACLE AT SEA: THE TONY
BULLIMORE STORY

9.40 FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON:

SPIDER PGR

11.00 NIGHTLINE

1 1.35 BUGS[...]A’S LAST TSAR G

3.00 RUSSIA’S WAR BLOOD UPON THE
SNOW A0

3.55 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G
4.20 INFOMERCIALS

5.00 JOYCE MEYER LIFE IN THE WORD

5.30 YOUR DAY WITH BENNY HINN

6.00 TV SHOP[...]3.00 SUNSET BEACH

4.00 GET SMART G

430 SAVED BY THE BELL G

5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
G

5.30 NEIGHBOURS G

6.00 HANG TI[...]PPING NETWORK

TUESDAY 26th MAY

6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY
6.15 TE KARERE

6.30 TELSTRA BUSINESS[...]MORNING

12.00 MIDDAY

12.30 ANIMAL HOSPITAL - ON THE
HOOF G

1.05 REMINGTON STEELE G

2.10 UK TODAY G[...]IDGE PGR

3.05 TAKE YOUR PICK G

3.40 T'HE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL PGR
4.10 ALL TOGETHER NOW

4.35 TE KARE[...]NEYBEE HUTCH G

7.00 WOWSER G

7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE
MERMAID G

8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET 85 THE
PLANETEERS G

8.30 BARNEY 8r. FRIENDS G

9.00 HER[...]D STREET PGR
10.00 HOME SHOPPING

12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR
1.00 DAYS OF OUR LIVES G

2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW PGR
3.00 HOME SHOPPING

3.30 WHAT[...]ME G

7.05 YOU AND ME G

7.30 DANGERMOUSE G

7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD
SCARRY G

8.05 TELETUBBIES[...].00 SUNSET BEACH

4.00 GET SMART G

4.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G

5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS.
G

5.30 NEIGHBOURS G

6.00[...]

10.00 THE TUESDAY DOCUMENTARY:
CRONKITE REMEMBERS G

11.55[...]0 BBC WORLD NEWS

1.15 WORLD BUSINESS REPORT
1.30 THE WORLD TODAY

2.30 WORLD LIVING: HOLIDAY

3.00 BBC[...]C WORLD NEWS

4.30 WORLD LIVING: FILM ’98

5.00 THE WORLD TODAY

4.00 BOBBY’S WORLD G

4.30 REBOOT[...]LEWIS CAN’I‘ LOSE G
6.00 HOME AND AWAY

6.30 THE SIMPSONS G

7.00 SHORTLAND STREET

7.30 STREET ST[...]DARK SKIES AO MOVING
TARGETS

11.30 SEINFELD PGR THE JIMMY /
THE DOODLE

12.30 THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW PGR
1.00 HOME SHOPPING

1.30 THE EXTRAORDINARY PGR
2.25 FULL FRONTAL A0

3.15 HOME[...]NFOMERCIALS

2.00 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: BEAUTY
AND THE BEASTS G

2.50 RUSSIA’S WAR: BLOOD UPON THE
SNOW

3.45 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G

4.10 INFOMERCIALS

5.00 JOYCE MEYER LIFE IN THE WORD
5.30 YOUR DAY WITH BENNY HINN

END, PART TWO[...]:

INDESCRETION PGR
10.30 RED SHOE DIARIES

11.00 THE NEW MUSIC
12.00 TV SHOPPING NETWORK INTRO
12.05 TV SHOPPING NETWORK

WEDNESDAY 27th MAY

6.00 BBC WORLD — THE WORLD TODAY
6.15 TE KARERE

6.30 TELSTRA BUSINESS[...]RNING

12.00 MIDDAY

12.30 ANIMAL HOSPITAL — ON THE
HOOF G

1.05 REMINGTON STEELE PGR

2.10 UK TODAY[...]Y

2.25 PORRIDGE PGR

3.00 TAKE YOUR PICK G

3.35 THE BOLD 85 THE BEAUTIFUL PGR
4.05 ALL TOGETHER NOW

4.35 TE KARE[...]40 TONIGHT

10.05 CASUALTY AO STILL WATERS
1 1.10 THE TRIALS OF ROSIE O’NEILL
AO

12.10 THE HIDDEN ROOM PGR MY
SISTER’S KEEPER

12.30 HOME SHOPPING

1.30 BBC WORLD — THE WORLD
TODAY

2.30 WORLD LIVING: FUTURE
FANTASTIC[...]BBC WORLD NEWS

4.30 WORLD LIVING: HOLIDAY

5.00 THE WORLD TODAY

6.05 HOME SHOPPING

6.35 HONEYBEE HUTCH G

7.00 WOWSER G

7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE
MERMAID G

8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET 81. THETHE RESTLESS PGR
1.00 DAYS OF OUR LIVES G

2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW PGR
3.00 HOME SHOPPING

3.30 WHAT[...]LEWIS CAN’I‘ LOSE G
6.00 HOME AND AWAY

6.30 THE SIMPSONS G HOMER THE
SMITHERS

7.00 SHORTLAND STREET

7.30 FRIENDS PGR THE ONE WITH
THE EMBRYOS '

8.00 VERONICA’S CLOSET PGR

8.30 ALL[...]FABULOUS AO
HOSPITAL / DEATH

11.35 SEINFELD PGR THE F USELLI
JERRY / THE DIPLOMATS CLUB
12.30 THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW

1.05 THE SAINT PGR

2.10 AUSTRALIAN GLADIATORS G
3.10 HOME[...]ME G

7.05 YOU AND ME G

7.30 DANGERMOUSE G

7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD
SCARRY G

6.00 TV SHOPPING[...].00 GET SMART G

8.05 TELETUBBIES G 4.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G

8.30 SESAME STREET G 5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
9.30 INFOMERCIALS G

10.30 HOGANS[...]GHT
12.45 INFOMERCIALS

1.45 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: THE
NEW CHIMPANZEES G

2.30 RUSSIA’S WAR: BLOOD UPON THE,
SNOW

3.30 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G

3.55 INFOMERCIALS

5.00 JOYCE MEYER LIFE IN THE WORD

4 5.30 YOUR DAY WITH BENNY HINN

THURSDAY 28th MAY

6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY
6.15 TE KARERE

6.30 TELSTRA BUSINESS[...]S

2.25 PORRIDGE PGR

3.05 TAKE YOUR PICK G

3.40 THE BOLD &. THE BEAUTIFUL PGR
4.10 ALL TOGETHER NOW
4.40 TE KARER[...]YBEE HUTCH G

7.00 WOWSER G C

7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE
MERMAID G

8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET 85 THETHE RESTLESS PGR
1.00 DAYS OF OUR LIVES

2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW G
3.00 HOME SHOPPING

3.30 WHAT N[...]ME G

7.05 YOU AND ME G

7.30 DANGERMOUSE G

7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD

6.00 TV SHOPPING NETWORK
1[...]T BEACH

4.00 GET SMART G

SCARRY G 4.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G
8.05 TELETUBBIES G 5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
8.30 SESAME STREET G G

5.30 NEIGH[...]S G

7.00 TV BLOOPERS AND PRACTICAL
JOKES G

7.30 THE DRUM

8.30 FRONTLINE PGR

9.00 THE MRS MERTON SHOW
9.40 SOUTH PARK AO

10.10[...]

10.00 MADSON A0

1 1.05 MURDER SQUAD PGR THETHE WORLD TODAY

2.30 WORLD LIVING: TOP GEAR
3.00 BBC[...]4.30 WORLD LIVING: FUTURE
FANTASTIC ALIEN

5.00 THE WORLD TODAY

FRIDAY 28th MAY

5.30 THE SIMPSONS G A FISH
CALLED SELMA

7.00 SHORTLAND ST[...]WINS G

8.00 MIDDLEMORE

3.30 WATER RATS A0

9.30 THE SERIOUS COMEDY HOUR:
FRASIER

10.30 LA FEMME NIKITA AO

11.30 SEINFELD G THE UNDERSTUDY
/ THE FACE PAINTER

12.30 THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW

1.00 RANDALL & HOPKIRK
(DECEASED[...]6.00 3 NEWS

7.00 HOME IMPROVEMENT G
7.30 KING OF THE HILL PGR
8.00 IT’S A MAN’S WORLD PGR
8.30 THE VANISHING MAN A0
9.35 THE VISITOR AO

10.30 NIGHTLINE

11.05 NISSAN GONE FI[...]LDLIFE WARRIORS G

230 RUSSIA’S WAR: BLOOD UPON THE

SNOW
3.25 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G
3.50 INFOMERCIALS

5.00 JOYCE MEYER LIFE IN THE WORD

5.30 YOUR DAY WITH BENNY HINN

10.40 RED SH[...]12.15 TV SHOPPING NETWORK

6.00 BBC WORLD — THE WORLD TODAY
6.15 TE KARERE

6.30 TELSTRA BUSINESS[...]NE
2.25 PORRIDGE PGR

3.00 TAKE YOUR PICK G

3.40 THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL PGR
4.10 ALL TOGETHER NOW

4.40 TE KARE[...]10.00 CHEF PGR

11.15 FRENCH AND SAUNDERS
11.50 THE FULL WAX

12.30 MOVIE: BONNIE AND CLYDE A0
2.30 B[...]BBC WORLD NEWS

4.30 WORLD LIVING: TOP GEAR
5.00 THE WORLD TODAY

6.05 HOME SHOPPPING

5.35 HONEYBEE H[...]R G

7.30 SPACE STRIKERS G

8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET & THE
PLANETEERS G

8.30 BARNEY 85 FRIENDS G

9.00 HERE[...]D STREET PGR
10.00 HOME SHOPPING

12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR
1.00 DAYS OF OUR LIVES G

2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW A0
3.00 HOME SHOPPING

3.30 WHAT[...]PARKER LEWIS CANT LOSE G
6.00 HOME AND AWAY

6.30 THE SIMPSONS G THE DAY THE
VIOLENCE DIED

7.00 SHORTLAND STREET

7.30 STARGATE SG—l PGR THE
TORMENT OF TANTALUS

8.30 THE PRETENDER A0

9.30 RENEGADE A0

1025 WCW: NITRO

11.30 MARRIED WITH CHILDREN PGR
12.30 THE EXTRAORDINARY PGR
1.25 MOVIE: PASSION

3.50 BEHIND THE SCENES: BLUES
BROTHERS 2000 G

4.10 VIDEO HITS: N[...]ME G

7.05 YOU AND ME G

7.30 DANGERMOUSE G

7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD
SCARRY G

8.05 TELETUBBIES[...].00 3 NEWS

7.00 HOME IMPROVEMENT G

7.30 SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH G
800 TEEN ANGEL G

8.30 XENA: WARR[...]AO
12.55 INFOMERCIALS

1.55 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: THE
GREATEST FLIGHT

2.45 RUSSIA’S WAR: BLOOD UPON THE

SNOW A0
3.40 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G
4.05 INFOMERCIALS

6.00 TV SHOPP[...].00 SUNSET BEACH

4.00 GET SMART G

4.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G .
5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
G

5.30 NEIGHBOURS G

600 HANG TIM[...].00 VIVA VARIETY

10.30 ED’S NIGHT PARTY

11.00 THE A-LIST

1 1.30 LATER WITH JOOLS HOLLAND
PGR

12.4[...]PING NETWORK

SATURDAY 30th MAY

6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY
6.30 HARDTALK

7.00 BBC WORLD NEWS

7[...]RK NEWS

6.30 TUX WONDER DOGS G

7.00 25 YEARS OF THE TWO RONNIES
G

7.30 AN INDEPENDENT MAN PGR NO
MAN IS AN ISLAND

8.35 THE BEST OF BRITISH: BLISS AO
10.10 ONE WORLD OF SPOR[...]00 VIDEO HITS: NEW RELEASES
11.00 MAI TIME

12.00 THE SATURDAY MATINEE:
DINOSAURS - THE MOVIE PGR

1.50 WHAT A CARTOON! G MINA & THE
COUNT

2.00 THE NEW ADVENTURES OF
ROBIN HOOD PGR

3.00 TARZAN - THE EPIC ADVENTURES
PGR

4.00 THE NEW FLIPPER G

4.55 MIRROR MIRROR G

5.30 ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
6.00 WHO DARES WINS G

6.30 THE FAMILY MOVIE SEASON:
LASSIE

8.00 LOTTO

8.05 LASSIE CONTINUES

8.30 SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE
MOVIES: MILK MONEY PGR

10.40 MOVIE: PRESUMED INNOCENT
A0

1.10 MOVIE: DEVLIN A0

3.20 THE EXTRAORDINARY PGR

4.15 AUSTRALIAN GLADIATORS G[...]OSCAR AND FRIENDS G

8.00 VANPIRES G

8.30 BRUNO THE KID G

8.55 DANGERMOUSE G

9.00 BEAST WARS G

9.3[...]10.30 INFOMERCIALS

12.00 TIMEWARRIOR PGR

2.00 THE DRUM PGR

3.00 HARTS OF THE WEST G

4.00 BRUCE FORSYTH’S GENERATION
GAME G

5.00 HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS G
6.00 3 NEWS WEEKEND

6.30 OUTBACK ADVENTURES G

7.30 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
8.30 MOVIE: ADDAMS FAMILY V[...]

Wanted: 1 (one) Life. If[...]Tn'mble Navigation
Intellectual Property Office
The Jet Scheme (Teaching
English in Japan)

The NZ Army

The NZ Navy etc. etc.

Remaining Semester One
recruit[...]Friday 29th May from 3pm until 5pm

Please phone the Pharmacy on 7 7 76 or 357—8887
to arrange your[...]nz- Presentation:
Wednesday 27 May, 1 pin,
SSLBZ

The Reserve Bank- Summer
employment and graduate
recruitment

Applications close Friday 5 June
(to CIS)

The Treasury~ Applications Close
Tuesday 3 June (to C[...]helmets?

Could any helmets please be
returned to the MUSA offices
asap. No questions asked. We are
a[...]nyone
interested in taking some action

regarding the interloan charges
please come to a meeting of
con[...]ay 27 May, 1pm, in SST
8.21

lfyou can’t attend the meeting,
but are interested, leave a
message in R[...]AWATU INC.

(Society Promoting a Weir and
Lake on the Manawatu River)
Patron: Sir Brian Elwood.

AGM
Tu[...]am to 11am. Be sure to tune in
to find out about the latest
activities of the Tamil Club and
for your favourite music. This is[...]nxiety and
Relaxation

This workshop will discuss the
causes and usefulness of. and
problems with, anxi[...]g examinations.

3 June, 12-l.30pm (This replaces
the postponed “Using Relaxation"
workshop)

Writing[...]ral History Society- Memorial Award: For study in
the areas of: flora and fauna, geology, vulcanology,[...]lmerston North

0: just stick your classified in the friendly
grocn—with-orangesptxals Chaff Letterbox that
one on the Landing just outside of the MUSA
Reception. <

Multiple,_1nsertions tire not[...]all Skiers and Snowboarders

make sure you are at the

olmersion North Convention Centre
Exhibit[...]

Well, the first thing we must do is
congratulate our very own World Champ
Women’s rugby team after they did the
damage in the World Cup Final against the
Yanks 46-12. Congratulations girls even if
we didn’t get to‘ watch the first rounds of the
competition but the final was the goods —
Thanks TVNZ for getting your shit toget[...]ive
yes five tries were scored by Vanessa Cootes
the winger, a huge effort that and a Sign of a
good t[...]little aside to this Women’s
Rugby Juggernaut, the girls also won the
ratings race competing with the FA cup on
Sunday morning. TV One’s coverage of the
women received about 165,000 viewers
compared to TV3’s FA Cup coverage ratings
of about 33,000.

And the Hurricanes, why didn’t they play
like that all season, we may never know the
answer but a win was definitely on the cards
when they came within two points late in the
second half. Their hopes were dashed when
a slopp[...]t
least they showed some of their old form
before the end of their competition. The
competition’s not over for the Crusaders who
will have gone through to the finals along with
the Blues by the time you read this, that’s
our pick anyway and Ugly’s putting the farm
on it (both sheep that survived the drought),
A big bahaha to Marc Ellis who would be[...]$80,000 at current
market value and about half of the rest of
the top payed players are receiving double
their market values. No bloody wonder the
Warriors are bankrupt. Maybe Ellis should
just stick to TV. All of this carry on must have
the skipper absolutely spitting, maybe even
on 15 yea[...]ore local and important
stuff and a huge upset at the Showgrounds
last weekend as the A’s went down to Marist
16—11 in avery tight game. Only Matai Savou
managed to score in a game where the backs
never saw enough ball. Sam Wylie also scored
2 penalty goals to keep the boys in it right to
the death but Varsity just couldn’t finish
anything. This now means Varsity have to
share the top of the table with F.O.B on 36
points with only one game to go in the first
round against C.O.B. The RAMS kept up their
unbeaten record however 'with a win over

Oroua by 28-13, and the Colts also came
through in their clash with Palmy[...]pizza to save his life” KOW. This puts them
at the top of the table in a three way tie, but
with a game in hand. The Iron Maidens have
also kept their record intact w[...]against Wanganui Tech under
lights up at Massey. The girls managed to
score first with a try to Kim H[...]angers replied
with two unconverted tries to make the score
10 all at half time, the best start yet by the
Maidens. Unfortunately they couldn’t keep
up the pressure and Wanganui ran away in
the second half with 35 unanswered points
finishing up at 45—10.

The Massey mens Hockey side continued
their domination of the local League with
another huge win over PNBHS 9—0. This puts
them at the top once again in the new round
of competition. -

In the netball our girls fell a bit short once
again with a comprehensive loss to Fielding
72—3 1. The A2s also struggled against
Masonic Blue going down 42-26.

And last in the Massey results but I guess
not least Soccer and would you believe it the
boys notched up their second win in as many
games. Travelling over to Wanganui for the
game Massey put the Wangers boys to the
sword running out 5-1 victors. Goals were
coming so easy even Bowen managed to find
the back of the net. From all accounts of the
match the key to the win was some great
defensive and clearing work from the backs
especially Layton Toyyyyyyy. Lets hope this[...]ion—winning form
as Massey begin their climb up the table. The
Massey A girls also posted another excellent
Vict[...]1 over Marist 6.0. This puts
them up to second on the table with 4 wins
from 5 games behind the unbeaten Redsox.
The Bs, also in the same division lost to the
Redsox 3-0.

In cricket news now and the outstanding
Mystery Men have extended their unbea[...]batting from captain
Matthew Stoddart, who found the back net
countless times, gave the boys heart despite
Deerness holding the scoring back, running
out his partner and playing some very
amateur shots. The Mystery Men also put it
in, in the field with some very tight bowling
and some sharp runouts.

Well that’s full time here at the Sports desk
for this week but if you want a quality
roundup of all the latest news and issues I
hear that the SinBin is up and running on
Radio Massey from 6 t[...]robably will be.

é

I

RighT: KaT Wills for The New Zealand Universities Team.
LefT: Chrissy Wake shooting for The New Zealand UniversiTies Team aT Tourney ‘98

vs. The Aussie inviTaTion Team.

Maybe a few of you may of noticed the lack
of a netball article last week-that was no
c[...]te for a week about what to write
and end up with the same repetitive dribble
each week-well no longer![...]ies! (A1 girls in action at NZU Games}. .

Anyway the Al girls have played Marist
Al 85 Feilding since I last wrote and though
both‘were tough asks for the girls they
performed like seasoned troopers. The Al’s
came out firing in both games scoring the
first 3 goals against Marist &. Feilding.
However it went a little off the rails from there
and the girls losing both games but closing
the margin significantly since the last round.

The A2’s,A3’s &A4’s have all played in the
last 2 weeks. The A2’s have struggled with a
change of coach and some players leaving the

[’7‘

(C ..

side. The A3’s 8:. A4’s have improved heaps
since their first games perhaps due to the
help of the A1 coach giving them some help
at practice.

The 2’s have shown the opposition a tough
time winning all their to date[...]Age shall not weary them!

My last word (besides the social teams
playing hard but fair-lame o!) is a moan about
the crappy write-ups Massey always get from
the Evening Standard netball reporter. Have
you seen them? This is the sort of
encouragement they give to a university s[...]”, “Massey girls
hammered”- Well thanks for the support. We
did receive one nice bit of publicity[...]“sharp shooter”! Thanks!

Easy answer—ditch the bland Standard
and stick to Chaff for the real word!-sports
ed. Anyway last thing-don’t forget to watch
the Kiwis take on the Aussies on t.v &, keep
an eye on Anna Rowberry’[...]entry p.p

RUGBY JAGKPOT.-

have a go at guessing the score of the feature
game and you might be supping on the jackpot '
with some new mates

This Week's Game:

: just answer the question, get your name down
and put this coupon in the chaff Ietterbox (outside
The MUSA office) to go in the draw fora Lion
Red cap

'0: Which player scored 5 tries
in the Womens World Cup
Rugby Final?

HOME:

SUPER 12
FI[...]esa e Prices.

O Rugby Jersefy

5
(plus 1 FREE or The organiser for orders
of 20 or more)

0 Polar Flee[...]g
Arranged

" WWMfiy/mr' ”

Phone 357-5727

The Plaza

The measure of ‘
a man’s thirst

TXT

Centrespread Jon[...]ANGRY! All the other nations in the
7[...]against it all is the the good ol' U S of
3 things. The Fire Service, nuclear A. The USA have already done all their
10[...]Deviant testing and the internet. testing. They nuked[...]in the name of science for God's sake.[...]tetchy. They're no longer king of the
18 State of the Arts[...]Righto ••• The Fire Service. As you've worried by the new kids on the block.
19[...]ANGRY! Not JUST because of the nuclear
24-26 Bum our Firstly, the safety of our city. How testing, but beca[...]upset because it's losing the monopoly on[...]The director of the Fire Service, a big Speaking of Monopolies,[...]Estall, is it again, trying to monopolise the[...]ALL the Firepeople and then rehire Explorer on[...]e Windows based software, BUT
"Yeah, and I'm the archangel Gabriel ••• "[...]Estall's interests are protected, after with the internet, one wonders if Mr[...]all, isn't he the director of a big Gates is acting all th[...]insurance fir-m? Way hay, up go the ANGRY![...]international scale. I resent the fact[...]OUR safety at all, considering the
News Editor Antoinette Tanguay recent spate of tx,agic deaths and the that someone who controls a business
Assist[...]re alarm bigger than me is increasing the risk[...]perfectly good fire-service. I resent the[...]having met me. I resent the fact that[...]Andrea McGhie overturn this. Give the government the the head of a corporation, who's worth 36
Video Revie[...]Sarah Sinclair finger, sign the petition. billion dollars himsel[...]Sapphira van avoid the wrath itself with the good of fellow people[...]for the future of doubt it will continue to be a blas[...]although the is a public meeting on Special education[...]love it, as well as the marketers and
The views expressed in Chaff are not neccessarily the views expressed propaganda specialists.[...]Did you get the Emergency Unemployment continuing to surfa[...]taking that little to me and hence drawn to the
Chaff is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press g[...]attention- and MUSA can
Association (ASPA) and is the official newspaper future and the future of those who are continue to force progress on the issue-[...]eneficiaries are all but it isn't good that the problems are
of the Massey University Students' Association. criminals anyway, stealing from the there and are not already being dealt[...]away. Just because the state gave me
Telephone: 06 350 4500 or 06 350 45[...]mean I owe the state, society (or anyone a years time? Some[...]thing. I pay only they are doing way into the future, but
Postal Address: PO Box 11 222, Massey[...]why should I pay for the Fire Service sketches to be filled in and[...]uccessfully spading on girls. This
box with "I am the CHAFF letterbox" written on[...]fe interesting, not knowing what each
upstairs in the MUSA building. See.[...]sacrifice for the greater good. will bring. What fun[...]the line with people risking their[...]

What the Budget Will Mean For Students
The Massey University Students' The move to further fund private training[...]ee increase for next year
Association has blasted the recently released establishments is almost cer[...]articipation in tertiary on public Education in the future . It is a direct broken promise from ou[...]move towards privatisation of the Tertiary on to say " The Government is trying to[...]deceive the general public by including the The budget included another significant
The Budget, released on Thursday the 14th[...]d "Allowance" in a areas for students; the eligibility criteria for
of May, included the announcement of a "This an outrageou[...]trumped up scam which has no resemblance the Emergency Unemployment benefit. This
voucher system intended for the funding of students," says MUSA Vice Presid[...]which 'allowance' available to students over the
tertiary education. The system, to be known (Education) Tony Wilson . "Instead of the a genuine Universal Student Allowance would summer break has undergone changes in
as the Universal Tertiary Tuition Allowance, promise[...]relation to who the benefit will be available
along with funding for[...]for . Primarily the changes effect students who
establishments are two key planks in the repackaged form of the voucher system "Students will h[...]ut do not receive a student allowance during the
Government's privatisation programme for[...]ay, shape or with bills and put food on the table" said Mr not be eligible to revive the Emergency Benefit
in the tertiary review last year. form an[...]rnment is sadly either, and with 'work for the dole' being[...]ance." he warns . condemning the students, the future of our introduced it is likely that the number of jobs
The 'Vouchers' will be direct funding for[...]and will not provide any MUSA believes the budget revelations will system run purely for the profit motive . summer.
funding for livi[...]dermine Tertiary participation,
As a consequence, the promised Universal following closely on the heels of other Despite Government[...], such as cutting cettain that the Tertiary Tuition Allowance further Privatise Tertiary Education FIGHT
another broken promise by the Coalition entitlements for under 18 year[...]s down. "Our Universities are BACK by joining the campaign for Accessible
government. which happened at the start of the year. so underfunded at this stage, i[...]h 350-4500.

More Police Violence In Wellington
The Massey University Students' concern over the increased level of police Police force completely out of control. The students for trespass during a protest out[...]manner in which some of the protesters were Parliament buildings late last year and the
appalled" by further examples of police[...]rring against a group of Following .the demonstration, MUSA Vice described as s[...]Tony Wilson described completely beyona the call of duty" said Mr protesting against the. Code of Social and
University, during a march in central the violent manner of the arrests as "the final Wilson.[...]ty" . The arrest of theses fourteen protesters protesters right across Wellington from the
The protesters, demonstrating against[...]education and industrial relations as "What the people of Wellington saw in their such as a student being detained and strip
part of the nationwide 'Unite' protest by streets, and indeed what the people of New searched three weeks after a peaceful protest The arrested protesters will be appearing
students an[...]on their television screens last outside the Reserve Bank and Treasury. in the Wellington District court on Thursday
their numbe[...]ing more Friday night, was elements of the Wellington Other examples include the arrest of 76 Morning.[...]

"Tobacco Awareness Day At Massey
The 31st of May is World No-Tobacco day. Studen[...]ne packet of Coine and see us in the Students' centre
As a lead up to this, the Student's Health encouraging you to give u[...]e cigarettes per day, and you give up, the foyer on Wednesday 27th of May 9.30-4pm
Service, in association with the Public Health started smoking, and for others[...]smoking, to enter
Unit ofMidCentral Health and the Manawatu haven't, not to start.[...]a spot
It.Cancer Society are having a display in the And it's not only for your healt[...]

All correct entries in the XWORD go into
a weekly draw for a yummy Kebab&: Drink
from Turkish Delight in The Plaza

winning business.
The Plaza Poodcourt. 15[...]coil (7)
22 Appease (7 ) 19 In the middle (7)
24 Once more (5) 21 R[...]ely grated rind of lemon
pot cream
packet pasta(noodles or tagliatelle)
Gently fry onion in butter until[...]UNBEATABLE
I For quality, range and the lowest overall food prices. I[...]

Our Budget
Once again the government has produced of dole if they ar[...]Student Allowance, then dab in every one of the 120 MPs, keep them
a Budget which targets the non-financially us very cheap, very compliant Jabour. And you aren't eligible for the Emergency on the line. If we make this scheme
secure members of our 'society'. The large not just those who are unemployed are[...]t get a job, insulting and patronising ads.
the unemployed, students, single parent considered too sick to work, are now on the you can either make your loan stretch that[...]to Talk to your parents. Tell them how the
are hardest hit. But everyone else, from[...]dle management down, is going to feel for the community wage, one real job will be
the unpleasant affect of some of these lost[...]0800 dob-in-your- Allowance. Try and get to the 96 weeks of[...]supporting yourself - time on Student Loan
The Community Wage is one of the most Solo parents? Yeah, they get it pretty bad. Don't abuse the people answering the phone, counts towards this. Ask your paren[...]ry, and it looks like they what they think of the ads, ask them if they it.
those forced to work for the Community Wage want the biggest labour 'force' they can get. think the dole is enough to live on, ask them
will not rece[...]might feel they need to cheat the system, give uneconomical. We didn't elect the Business
no union, no grievance procedures, and l[...]the system cheats you, dab in Jenny Shipley, to[...]STUFF
'We've got the jobs!'[...]SAFE OVER THE
m?_@rrfu[...]We've got room for the lot!
A widle variety ([])f W([J)rJk avr[...]Coaches arrive/depart by the Courthouse
savmg yrnm precn[...]

1. The Teletubb · es? (p ank look) I have no idea.[...]t know.
4. "He look, the Spice Girls."
5. "I[...]3. Fitzy.
4. "I coul 't be in the same room as you without feeling[...]hurt when you fell from heaven."

To make up for the disappointing turnout of really sadistic a[...]

What do you thi[...]When I was in my first year, and I went along to the
probably about what it's done. I did have a job d[...]dy there. He and his girlfriend were kind of like the king
bored, so I would say success and fame have given me just the best job in the world. and queen of the whole thing. I just though they were the best, I looked up to Jeremy so[...]moved up to Auckland too, it's crazy, about half the people doing[...]Have you got any plans to return to the exciting Mecca of Palmerston North?

You come[...]tell us if you have anything exciting planned for the Pulp Comedy night ?
Do you find it harder doin[...]Aha. Well, I'm very excited. Once I get on the stage I think I'll just be too excited and
In[...]a few minutes, maybe 10-15 minutes just enjoying the theatre, and then 111 go on to
when you do someth[...]and you get feedback straight enjoying the crowd. I think it's quite a big theatre from memory, so 111 be able to enjoy the
away.[...]or a while. That will probably take me tprough to the end. I don't think[...]s like despite what I said, I can't get away from the place.

I did a BA, English and Computing.[...]lain. It's like if someone comes
to need a job at the end of this so I started computing. I worked at R[...]and I always approach those things witl). a
up at the back of the gym, in the early days. I was the breakfast DJ, yeah it was good fun. positive attitude. It's kind of like the show might not be exactly what I want to do, but[...]every show, but obviously the show itself was not what we ... You know, not the best thing[...]t New Zealanders can make that's for sure! One of the things that people probably don't
Ah Shit! Do[...]all twenty shows are recorded in four days, so by the time you're seeing the last
mine- not from University actually, strangel[...]nalysis and improvement,
made a little album with the engineer from 2XS at the time, and yeah it was great. We had and also getting acts on is another hard one. By the time you're getting the really good loony
great fun in that band, but we weren't really that cool. 'Meltdown Records' was the record talent in New Zealand to ring up an[...]happened was a few bands won a kind of battle of the bands,
I think we were third or something, so we[...]d be good to get together and do a About the show at the Regent. ...
little Palmerston North record- so we formed Meltdown Records ... But none of the other
bands wanted to be on the record with us, we basically had no cred. In the end Meltdown Well it's going to be[...]are going to be in the show. But it's really cool. I mean the Regent Theatre, that's where I went
What kind[...]as a kid and watched all the movies. I'm looking really forward to seeing it.[...]e down with my girlfriend over Christmas,
to play The Clash, Gang of Four and all that sort of stuff. I[...]she's an Aucklander and hasn't really seen the place before, she has just heard about it from[...]so I was kind of worried. But it turned out to be the most awesome day, and all the trees
So how did you get involved in comedy?[...]kind of let you get through that down there! And the best thing is all these old places that I hadn'[...]University's Capping Revue. I don't know if it's the same now but it's one of the few trouble, and she just thought Palmy was[...]but you always
directing and actually acting out the stuff. You know a lot of the other capping revues in the remember place from the people you mix with, otherwise it's just b[...]

A Thin Grey Line goes beyond the surface of the "finished" art work that is normally
displayed at a Gallery and gives visitors a chance to glimpse the working processes and
studio lives of the artists.

This exhibition demonstrates that drawing does not have to be done in pencil. The[...]charcoal, conte, oil stick, pastel and even ink. The pictures displayed show a wide
range of gestures[...]ing.

This exhibition contains many items from the Gallery's study collection which aren't 29th May, Rockquest
often displayed. The study collection comprises of many sketches and artists' workbooks. The Xtra Smokefree Rockquest hits
Many of these have been gifted to the Gallery by artists, who wish to make the processes town again . 14 bands from all over the
of their art-making available for study.[...]place rocking out in style. It's on at the[...]ge Auditorium, doors open
This exhibition shows the working porcesses of the big names in NZ art- Toss[...]information and to look at the photos from
Androw Drummond, Peter Robinson and M[...]the semifinal.

The Heart that Stood Still[...]5th June, 5 Bands for 5 Bucks
the Manawatu River as interpreted by three artists:[...]Another new band night at the Stomach featuring the future[...]the first time ever. Always a rockin' good time . Doo[...]8:30pm and the bands start making noise shortly thereafter.
running until the 21st of June[...]WORKSHOPS
The Heart That Stood Still is an exhibition by three Maori artists who live in Palmerston The fabled and elusive Hip Hop Workshops:
North. Paor[...]Saturday 30th May
installation using the Manawatu River as a common ground to unite their individual The first of two weekends of workshops. This is the
contributions.[...]introduction and registration thing. The programme includes[...]demos, videos, as well as the opportunity to try things out.
The title of the exhibition alludes to the story of Hau, which describes the origins of Come down on the day. Gold coin donation.
the name "Manawatu". Hau is believed to have arrived on the Aotea canoe. In search of[...]rom Wanganui, crossing The follow-on from last week's introductory workshop. Covers
rivers and naming each one after the experience he had there. Finding the Manawatu so breakdancing[...]aning nervous heart. to the first one .
The river was chosen for this exhibition because of its importance to the Rangitane. In SPLEEN CONTRIBUTIONS
earlier times it was an important food source, as the ponds left behind from flooding Every week, the Stomach publishes gig guide info and other
provided plentiful eels and other foods. The river was also a major transport route for the relevant stuff. If you have an[...]te to us at PO Box 586, Palmerston North . We are
the river, making reference to the two migration wakas (canoes) associated with the also keen to hear from people who want to take photos, do
Rangitane people, the Aotea and the Kurahaupo.[...]basis.
Albert McCarthy's piece also focuses on the river in a "drawing" in space made from
suspended wire. His contribution relates to changes the Manawatu River has undergone[...]T MEETINGS
since pre-European times. For example, the construction of flood protection has channeled The Stomach Management Committee meets twice a month,
the river and made it much smaller than it once was.[...]at the Stomach on 76 Lombard Street. The meetings are open[...]to the public and everyone that uses the Stomach is encouraged
Paora Allen's piece is a[...]to come and have their say about what they'd like the Stomach
the gallery. A coloured substance pulses through the tubing aided by a pump. This work to be doing. Dates for the next couple of management meetings
makes reference to the Manawatue and all rivers as living organisms, vit[...]and June 14th, from 5:30pm onwards.
existence.

The Manawatu Art Gallery is open every day from 10 till 5, and admission is free . If you
want to contact the Gallery you can phone on (06) 358 8188, or fax on (06) 358 884.

New Aoetaroa Fiction and Poetry Anthology:
The NeXt Wave The NeXt Wave presents a sample of the emerging and innovative voices of Aoetaroa/ New Zealand in the '90s. Hard-edged[...]nism, multiculturalism and postmodernism mix with the unruly urban rythyms and the[...]By turns lively, cynical and irreverant, the writing re~elas the diverse lifestyles of '90s urban youth culture. S[...]does the Lambton Shuffle, David Lyndon Brown camps it up in Queen Street, and Bill Payne follows the misfortunes of a[...]ckland . In contrast, Maraea Rihari ·illustrates the plight of a single mother.[...]A strong regionalism is maintained with the voices of Maori and Pacific writers. Sia Figiel t[...]tells the tale of the rise and fall of a reggae band, and Robert Sulliv[...]The crossover between poetry and music is evident with contributions from musicians including The Mockers' Andrew[...]Multiculturalism features prominently in the collection, with contributions from Bulgarian Kap[...]and Emily Perkins and Ingrid Horroc.k s foray on the big OE in Prague and Japan respectively.

The NeXt Wave is published by the University of Otago Press and is due for r[...]

But not to worry. On Mondays at 10.30 are The Outer[...]sharing your- er, duvet, well, just make sure the TV doesn't
always going to encounter a cover-up o[...]NEXT WEEK: Study leave for exams ... the marriage ends
It was only a matter of time, with Seinfeld ending in the[...]d professional hit-man Martin
happy and secure in the knowledge that it couldn't get that bad . It was[...](Dan
hyperventilating ten minutes in and adopting the recovery position towards the end. However, Ackroyd), a completely p[...]ittle easier to deal with, as you can watch it in the daytime with all 'Hit-man Union'. Martin's sec[...]a (Joan Cusack- yes, they are brother and sister)
the lights on and your eyes closed .[...]after consulting his paranoid therapist
Set in the not-too-distant future, the film's title refers to an industrial nightmare of[...]ff as right where they left off, as though the broken date was the previous night, and Martin finds
a tragic disaster, the Event Horizon turns up again, along with a garble[...]en Grocer and some corrupt Feds
Weir (Sam Neill), the physicist responsible for the Horizon's flash dri\le and part-time nutbar,[...]plot might have ended up making for a bad film if the wrong people[...]were directed by the wrong director, but it has been pulled off brilliantly here. George Armitage
Course, as is the way with big scary-looking ships that vanish myst[...]me excellent performances out of his charges, and the whole thing gels as
years then reappear, the Horizon is devoid of any live crew, though a few dead ones are still though the cast and crew have worked together on hundreds of projects. John Cusack is
floating about the place, and the ship itself seems to have picked up some alarming traits fantastic as the sober yet quirky assassin, and carries some memor[...]h ease. His dialogues with all of the characters are both well scripted and well delive[...]handily enough no small part to the quality of the other actors. Minnie Driver is wonderful as the jilted
the ship is full of cramped, dark areas, including ai[...]ls and such. Things start going remarkably badly, the Grocer, and Alan Arkin makes the most of a small part as the neurotic psychiatrist who is
spooky bits start be[...]k). But wait there's more: Jeremy Piven excels as the pot-smoking,
and even quite suspenseful and all t[...]an Cusack is at her eccentric best with Marcella, the[...]pretty good; it loses some of its impact towards
the end, but it scared me absolutely shitless (though[...]o easy tie-ups, no throw-away jokes: just some of the driest humour
jump when the window shutters flick open five minutes into the film (don't worry, it's not an you're l[...]ne's taste, and I wish I
icky bit) then you're in the right frame of mind for the rest of it. The cast are all fine and good, could compare it t[...]l think it's outstanding.
sci-fi horror and all . The sets and special effects are great, and when they[...]you've missed something, and
apparently you have: the hour or so they cut out of it. Whether for[...]

IILUl&llLU.S[...]would have guessed they would be sitting by the side of the
road, the wings and tail are ripped off with accompanying[...]explosions, and then (gasp) the road disappears and the[...]and starts to sink with all the prisoners trapped inside (fuck
It should be o[...]el to a hit movie based on missing and so the chase begins. Sorry to disappoint you
a television series from the sixties. Sequels, to be interesting, folks but the rest of the movie is just a drawn out bore and
also need some[...]tell, not just a hands up who can guess the end.
rehash of the same story with some new character. In US
Marshals, Tommy Lee Jones revives the role of Sam Gerrard, US Marshals is At the Bottom of As Good As It Gets
escapee catcher extr[...]t seen in a dedicated search (according to the official Chaff-o-matic rating system) - it fails[...]because it's cool to cast French actresses at the moment,[...], is This last bit is to mention the wonderful Replacement
innocent and has only escap[...]Killers. It has unfortunately finished by the time you read
"righteous" again. The fact that his escape was enabled by th[...]ction fan it is absolutely wonderful
an accident, the way Sam slowly begins to see that something[...]as possible. That's an order, I
is not right, and the uncovering of the whole conspiracy is so would have given it[...]It Gets and thaf is saying a
damn inevitable that the entire thingjust becomes pointless . lot.[...]The Chaff-0-Matic[...]2. At the bottom of As Good As It Gets[...]THE DOWNTOWN CINEMA 8[...]Identify the correct movie[...]Who said • "Fuck! They've cancelled

The[...]Prize · A circuit of the ring-road.[...]Who said · "Some people hate the[...]We on the other hand, are colonised by[...]Prize • Book of ten tickets to the[...]that sounds they got big" then this is the movie for YOU! the Planet of the Robot Monsters.
like a cheese grater being played through a vaccum cleaner
pipe, when he feels the part needs it. He can put on an[...]ou saw that you cry, make you hurl. See the clothing and the styles that Include your name and phone
comedy thing (don't ask if you don't know) on the telly, then were synonimous with the words "eighties" and "shite". See numbe[...]mpression of Axel Rose ain't too shabby the toilets packed as people vomit up what was left o[...]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
has a falling out at his own when the other half doesn't make[...]Last Week's Answer • Richard E
the cheesy story line runs along, falls for her .....[...]a more acceptable Grant, Spice World: The Movie[...]

May Madness is still happening this week. Listen into the 99.4FM Breakfast Show and
put your name into the draw to see if you are as brave as Breakfast Shan[...]ping into a bridge swing out at Balance Bridge on the other side of the Manawatu. will be announced during the brand new 'Inter-active Show' which airs every We[...]-dive? Or from 5-6pm on 99.4FM
is it to walk the length of concourse sans clothing? The only way to find out is listen to the
Breakfast Show all week and enter your name in the draw. Speaking of brand new shows, the 'Sin Bin' is another one of our new additions to the[...]nd a stack of special guests as they talk about
The long-awaited 99.4FM Party Bomb is now up and running. Watch out for the Radio the sporting week that was and the one that will be. Every Tuesday night from 6-7pm[...]ry Wednesday lunch so you can put your party into the hat. 99.4FM is the place to catch all the best sports results and comments. If you think that your
The lucky party will receive a whole heap of party su[...]m or sport should have results or info as part of the 'Sin Bin', contact Radio Massey on
Eagle Boys, Ma[...]nd other stuff to liven up your party experience. The winner 350-4526 and leave a message fo[...]Island Discs
This week on Desert Island Discs- The Dirty Three- Horse Stories (1996)
inimitable Bryan Gibson, 99.4fM's Maybe the best live band in the world, this[...]STEREO SITUATION
Programme Guy, one-fourth of the divine album rocks and rolls and does ev[...]retty person. He's emotion inbetween witho ut the need for SHELLA(
going to g[...]a slap for saying that. words, which is often the way things should[...]Candy Apple Grey (1986)
This album has two of the most beautifully Slint- Spiderland (1990)[...]d songs in e:idstence: "Hardly Getting Over The band that started a genre. Brilliantly
It" and "T[...]of arranged punk rock that gets better with
the best punk rock you can find. I'm still ever[...]THE NoMAD[...]- Rid Of Me (1991)
Pop Will Eat Itself-This Is The Day, This The most beautiful female voice in[...]MovEMENT
Is The Hour, This Is This (1990) existence and she fronts a noisy rock band,
The Poppies changed my life back in '91 what mo[...]when they played orientation, and this record
has the coolest hooks and some of the best Earthling- Radar (1995)
sampling around. Essential party music. Mau is the coolest rapper, mainly 'cos he[...]s like he's off his face, which means
Codeine- The White Birch (1993) alot when yer listening in the same state.
These chaps do slow like no-one else. It's
beautiful, harsh, sad and uplifting all at the
same time.[...]The one retro seventies thing I can relate[...]BLINDFOLD
only one album, but I reckon this is the best A Bad Seed take on the songs of Serge
space out music around. Beautiful[...]d perfect pop. in the evening covering topics like getting[...]

It is the start of capping week (well it is now when I'm writing this. Obviously it will be the As you can imagine, I'm not looking forward to explaining this to the insane woman in
week after by the time you read it.) I always find this time of the year infinitely depressing. charge of my case. Last time she told me they would try to find me a job in the fast-food
The sight of all those smug-looking graduates in their flash robes, the hordes of parents industry. Why thank[...]ge
beaming with pride at their beloved offspring, the McDonalds representatives handing out[...]ob. It was
long-term contracts to graduating BAs, the whole thing makes me sick.[...]tised and
Why do I hate it? I hate it because the sight of other people graduating always reminds m[...]ow fascinating . Do they know that over 97% of
of the fact that I'm not, and at the rate I'm going, it's not likely that I ever will.[...]his bitterness and anger, I must steel myself for the long week ahead. Next
very bad happens to him.[...]column is appearing now rather than last week in the I promise.
official Capping Week iss[...], I forgot dammit, now just get off my back about the
whole thing).[...]raduating Shaun, and I hope your BSc makes up for the fact that for
worse. Life sneaks up and delivers me another swift kick to the goolies. Yep, this is also the the last three years you've spent your Saturday night[...]ng attempts to will those around you to die under the power of your[...](Apr 20 - May 20)
This week you will discover the meaning of life. Alas, you will be bitterly disap[...]The Moon is entering a negative phase. To add to the pleasantries of your day, several

@"[...].
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Your obsession with the Teletubbies will lead to mass destruction and wor[...]er a period of mourning. Your comrades are losing the ongoing battle[...]against the advances of Vet Students. The ducks are seeking to file harassment suits[...]

Chaff - Strange but true
A[...]hyJahnn THE RAG FACTORY
For The Best Selection Of Recycled Clothing
n t[...]"The Big Purple Building"[...]

TUESDAY 26th MAY
6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY 6.05 HOME SHOPPING[...]REAKFAST 7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE 7.00 PARENT TIME G 2[...]D MORNING 8.00 CAPTAIN PLANET & THE 7 .30 DANGERMOUSE G 4.00[...]PLANETEERS G 7 .35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD 4.30 S:,\VED BY THE BELL G
12.30 ANIMAL HOSPITAL - ON THE 8.30 BARNEY & FRIENDS G SCARRYG 5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
HOOFG[...]5 PORRIDGE PGR 12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR 10.30 HOGANS HEROES G[...]7.00 TV BLOOPERS AND PRACTICAL
3.40 THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL PGR 2 .00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW PGR 11 .30 EMPTY NEST[...]

WEDNESDAY 27th MAY
6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY 6.05 HOME SHOPPING[...]REAKFAST 7 .30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE 7.00 PARENT TIME G[...]D MORNING 8 .00 CAPTAIN PLANET & THE 7 .30 DANGERMOUSE G 2 .[...]PLANETEERS G 7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD 3.00 SUNSET BEACH
12.30 ANIMAL HOSPITAL - ON THE 8 .30 BARNEY & FRIENDS G SCARRY[...]8 .05 .T ELETUBBIES G 4.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G
1.05 REMINGTON STEELE PGR 9.30 S[...]8.30 SESAME STREET G 5.00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
2.10 UK TODAY G MILTON KEYNES[...]CYCLING FACILITY 12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR 10.30 HOGANS HEROES G[...]G TIME G
3.00 TAKE YOUR PICK G 2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW PGR 11.30 EMPTY NEST G 6.30 BREAKERS G
3.35 THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL PGR 3.00 HOME SHOPPING[...]WAY? PGR
7.30 FAIR GO 6.30 THE SIMPSONS G HOMER THE 4.05 101 DALMATIANS G 9.10 G[...]TONIGHT 7 .30 FRIENDS PGR THE ONE WITH 5 .30 JUDGE JUDY 10.55 C.O.D. AO
10.05 CASUALTY AO STILL WATERS THE EMBRYOS 6.00 3 NEWS 11.25 COMICS ONLY
11.10 THE TRIALS OF ROSIE O'NEILL 8.00 VERONICA'S CLOSET[...]12.00 TV SHOPING NETWORK
12.10 THE HIDDEN ROOM PGR MY 9 .25 MAD ABOUT YOU PGR[...]ULOUS AO 11.10 MANHUNTER
1.30 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD HOSPITAL / DEATH[...]11.35 SEINFELD PGR THE FUSELLI 12.45 INFOMERCIALS
2.30 WORLD LIVING: FUTURE JERRY / THE DIPLOMATS CLUB 1.45 NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: THE
FANTASTIC ALIEN 12.30 THE JAMIE FOXX SHOW NEW CHIMPANZEES G
3.00 BBC WORLD NEWS 1.05 THE SAINT PGR 2.30 RUSSIA'S WAR: BLOOD UPON THE
3.30 HARDTALK 2.10 AUSTRALI[...]3.10 HOME AND AWAY G 3.30 THE PRICE IS RIGHT G
4.30 WORLD LIVING: HOLIDAY[...]MORNING 3.55 INFOMERCIALS
5.00 THE WORLD TODAY 5.35 KENNETH COPELAND DAILY G 5.00 JOYCE MEYER LIFE IN THE WORD[...]BENNY HINN

THURSDAY 28th MAY
6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY 6.05 HOME SHOPPING[...]BREAKFAST 7.30 ADVENTURES OF THE LITTLE 7. 00 PARENT TIME G[...]D MORNING 8. 00 CAPTAIN PLANET & THE 7.30 DANGERMOUSE G 3.0[...]PLANETEERS G 7.35 THE BUSY WORLD OF RICHARD 4.00 GET SMART G
12.[...]RYG '1-.30 SAVED BY THE BELL G
1.05 REMINGTON STEELE PGR 9 .00[...]05 TELETUBBIES G 5 .00 SAVED BY THE BELL NEW CLASS
2.10 UK TODAY G OVERSEAS[...]25 PORRIDGE PGR 12.00 YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS PGR 10.30 HOGANS HEROES G[...]OND 2000 G 6.30 BREAKERS G
3.40 THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL PGR 2.00 THE RICKI LAKE SHOW G 11.30 EMPTY NEST G[...]1.00 SALLEY JESSY RAPHAEL AO 7.30 THE DRUM
4.55 EMMERDALE G 4.00 BOB[...]3.00 PARENT TIME G 9 .00 THE MRS MERTON SHOW
6.00 ONE NETWORK NEWS[...]

SATURDAY 30th MAY
6.00 BBC WORLD - THE WORLD TODAY 6.00 THUNDERBIRDS G[...]OLLAND
CORRESPONDENT 12.00 THE SATURDAY MATINEE: 8.00 VANPIRES G[...]8.00 BBC WORLD NEWS DINOSAURS - THE MOVIE PGR 8.30 BRUNO THE KID G 1.00 STAR TREK: MENAGERIE PT[...]SS REPORT 1.50 WHAT A CARTOON! G MINA & THE 8 .55 DANGERMOUSE G PGR
8.30 WO[...]IONSHIP
9.00 BBC WORLD NEWS 2.00 THE NEW ADVENTURES OF 9.30 ICE TV PGR[...]9.30 ASIA DYNAMIC 3.00 TARZAN -THE EPIC ADVENTURES 12.00 TIMEWARRIOR PGR[...]PGR 2.00 THE DRUM PGR 4.00 MOVIE TELEVISION
12.00 ANTIQUES ROADSHOW G WEST 4.00 THE NEW FLIPPER G 3.00 HARTS OF THE WEST G 4.30 HIGH FNE
DEAN COLLEGE[...]E'S GARDEN SHOW 5 .30 ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? GAMEG 6.00[...]HO DARES WINS G 5.00 HONEY I SHRUNK THE KIDS G 6.300 MOESHA G
2.00 ONE WORLD OF SPORT 6.30 THE FAMILY MOVIE SEASON: 6.00 3 NEWS WEEKEND[...]8.00 LOTTO 7.30 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 8.30 WWF WRESTLEMANIA AO
7.0[...]8.30 SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE AO 12.5[...]NNOCENT 12.30 INFOMERCIALS INFOMERCIALS
8.35 THE BEST OF BRITISH: BLISS AO AO[...]VLIN AO
NEW ZEALAND'S BIG GAME -SUPER 12 3.20 THE EXTRAORDINARY PGR
FINAL[...]

t~[...]s
Friday 29th May from 3pm until 5pm
Please phone the Pharmacy on 7176 or 357-8887
to[...]

just answer the question, get your name down
and put this coupon in the chaff letterbox (outside
the MUSA office) to go in the draw for a Lion
Redcap
Q: Which player scored 5 tries
in the Womens World Cup
Rugby Final?[...]

MD